Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

[SophiaStafford]

I have a question I'd enjoy hearing from many different answers on. How did you 'get' to be submissive? Were you always that way? Did you grow into it? Or was there a distinct event in your life where you learned you were submissive? Most interesting, to me-- any there anyone who became submissive because they met someone dominant who decided to "make" them submissive?

I really enjoy doing the latter, but of course, I can never be completely sure they weren't already submissive to begin with.

Sophia

[coconuts]

Interesting one this. I thought I was a submissive as I always liked the idea of a dominant partner. But when it came down to it, I was just trying to top from the bottom to suit my own ends.
Of late I have been exposed to a dominant lady who is not fooled by my manipulating behaviour (albeit subconscious behavour). She is definitely making me more submissive through mind games.
I can't say I enjoy this kind of domination whilst its happening, but I like the end result. ie I become properly submissive.

As for how I became submissive or at least inclined that way, I do not know. I am far from submissive in my work. but have always been drawn to assertive women.

Coconuts

[Rndlflgg]

I'm a lurker, but I thought I'd weigh in here.
I never gave the thought of dominance or submission a thought.
A woman I began chatting with on MySpace (totally normal and friendly and vanilla at first) told me about tease and denial. I'd never heard of it and thought the whole thing ridiculous. Get all the way to the edge and then... not cum?!
We spoke more and more about that and BDSM in general and her interest in it. I guess I got intrigued because she got me from going on cam to getting partially undressed on cam to getting completely naked and masturbating whenever she told me to on cam and delaying my orgasm until she allowed it.
Now somewhere in there I figured... well, I guess I'm submissive.

[SophiaStafford]

I thought I was a submissive as I always liked the idea of a dominant partner. But when it came down to it, I was just trying to top from the bottom to suit my own ends.

That's an interesting distinction that I find very thought-provoking. Is submission the price you pay for getting to interact with a dominant person? or is submission itself the desired element?

I'm pretty sure almost all the people I've interacted with in person have been of the first type, whereas everyone I've spoken to online seems to be closer to the second type.

[coconuts]

I thought I was a submissive as I always liked the idea of a dominant partner. But when it came down to it, I was just trying to top from the bottom to suit my own ends.

That's an interesting distinction that I find very thought-provoking. Is submission the price you pay for getting to interact with a dominant person? or is submission itself the desired element?

I'm pretty sure almost all the people I've interacted with in person have been of the first type, whereas everyone I've spoken to online seems to be closer to the second type.

I think the anonimity of the internet means that people can be more selfish. The whole net is geared up fpr a quick fix imo. It isn't until you start to identify with an individual and actually invest something in a 'relationship' that the selfishness fades.

I admit I was guillty of that selfishness. I wanted to be turned on by an idea. But as I have become more aware of what is happening, I find myself not being turned on as much as contented in being dominated.
I don't know if this is a by-product of t&d but my orgasm has become really secondary to pleasing my mistress.

If it were possible I would gladly become chaste for a considerable peroid of time in order to show my commitment. In doing that I become more fulfilled.

Its not all about wanking apparently

[sublooking4]

I dont know how it happened really, when I was younger I was online chat rooms quite a lot and on there I began speaking to a lady who it turned out was a Mistress, I didnt know this for several of our conversations, to be honest I didnt even know what a Submissive was. Throughout our conversations she said things that seemed to excite me in a very different way than I had been before, not sexual things as that wasnt how we spoke but she said delicately laced sentences that seemed to send a buzz through me.

Our relationship moved onto a messenger where we spoke to each other much more directly, one night it got quite heated between us and she started directing me on how to pleasure myself for her. In hindsight this guided masturbation session was my first form of submission and it thrilled me in ways I had never felt alone before.

She then told me she was a Mistress and did not have a submissive at the time, it all intrigued me so we spoke in depth about what it all meant, innocently I began asking her questions about the lifestyle and found myself becoming aroused by her answers and imagining how it would all feel. I would think about our conversations all day and rush home to speak to her in more length, after several conversations she asked the fateful question " would you like to play with yourself for me"

I felt a rush throughout my body and realised I had been waiting in anticipation for days for her to ask me this, "Please" I typed and that I can say was the turning of me, as she guided me through my pleasure for the second time I only wanted to do it for her and would have done anything to get her to ask me that question again.

Now I long to have that relationship again but find it very difficult to find, I have been on Milovana for a month or so now and think it it great

[dubble]

I have a question I'd enjoy hearing from many different answers on. How did you 'get' to be submissive? Were you always that way? Did you grow into it? Or was there a distinct event in your life where you learned you were submissive? Most interesting, to me-- any there anyone who became submissive because they met someone dominant who decided to "make" them submissive?

I really enjoy doing the latter, but of course, I can never be completely sure they weren't already submissive to begin with.

Sophia

Hi Sophia and welcome to Milo.
As for your question, for me it's a desire to have what I've never had. I've always been a leader, successful, and have a dominant personality in seemingly all aspects of my life. So meeting/finding One who can put me in my place would be awesome. One who will take charge, control, get what SHE wants from me, putting her pleasures first, but still remaining true to me alone.
I've felt this desire to submit from a very young age, and I can actually remember when, but not something I want to share publicly. I also did not understand it at the time, but I remained quiet about it for so many years. I'd be happy to tell you about it if you're interested. Please let me know...
I'm not one who's likely to give in so easily to anyone, so meeting one who can 'make' me submit would be an amazing experience as well.
Thank you for reading, and again, welcome.

[AtHerFeet]

For me personally, I was always submissive. I can remember back even before puberty... before I even understood what sex was, that I would imagine groups of girls I knew controlling me. I wish I understood whether I'm "hard wired" that way or whether this was the result of some trauma that I've overlooked. Was I created "in the lab?"

I certainly have a tendancy to dwell excessively within my own mind. And that's another attribute that makes dominant women so fascinating. They help me to keep it simple...

My other observation is that those who are converted (Dominas too) never seem to have the same passion or drive over a sustained period of time. Having an embedded interest is evident versus those who just dabble. Not that I discourage dabbling...

[SophiaStafford]

I've felt this desire to submit from a very young age, and I can actually remember when, but not something I want to share publicly. I also did not understand it at the time, but I remained quiet about it for so many years. I'd be happy to tell you about it if you're interested. Please let me know...

Go for it. My email should be trivial to obtain. I always enjoy hearing people's 'dark secrets'.

S

[black moon]

Like others here my submissive desires began very early - since 11 I've been interested in bondage and torture and have been aroused by it.

Maybe my wish to be dominated was intensified by some personal experiences (like being repulsed by girls I liked) but I'm not sure about that yet.

Definitely these desires were "always" there - I've been stimulating me by selfbondage and similar practices even before I started to masturbate.

[smallitalian4]

I thought of myself as submissive at an early age, but I didn't research or really discover my submissive side until about 10 yrs ago...I haven't looked back since...lol I do however still have about a 1% Dominant side that likes to peek out and play on occasion

[willingtoy]

Sometimes, I really wonder if I really am submissive. I remembered that it all started when I watched porn during the advent of the internet, but somehow it did not seem to interest me. I somehow, switched to alternative loving and that was where the idea of being a submissive cropped in.

I tried once to top in alt.com chat room with a girl. But it just did not feel right. I gave up in the middle of the session. I was somewhat of a switch then, but I failed miserably, so I chose the other obvious path. I have never looked back since.

Quite a few of my friends know that I like assertive women. I wonder what is it that attracts me to them. Perhaps because of their air of confidence. For example, Sophia's picture gives me the feeling that she is looking at me, staring at me, making me feel being inspected and even scared, but still attracted like a bee to honey.

I also crave over the knee spankings. I guess it was linked to an "incident" where i laid down over a chair and humped it until i cummed all over the place.

[Makarov]

I discovered that I was submissive shortly after my search for erotic literature online lead me a smut story about some guy who gives up his control over his cock to the cheer leading squad. I hadn't heard of teasing, denial or femdom, or D/s at the time, but I just couldn't help but find the concept of the story to be really hot.

That said, it's probably not a stretch that I ended up submissive. I've always been a fan of the female body, even before I became sexually interested. And even then my early fantasies would probably be described as a clothed female, naked male situation involving guided masturbation, although it didn't help that all I had was issues of Cosmopolitan and Vogue to keep me company. Did I mention I tended to be on my knees? I was playing the submissive part, without even knowing it.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just playing the submissive part in an attempt to get attention from any woman, but I don't think that's the case. I don't like the idea of calling submission a price to be paid to interact with a dominant person. It implies that the act of submission is a necessary evil, like paying taxes or waiting another nine months for Lost to come back for it's sixth season.

[all2true]

I guess I'm a submissive
because my mother was the one in charge most of the time when I was a Child
(Little of my Psychology sessions there)
My first sexual fantasies involved bondage.

As for 'topping from bottom"
I found that even we submissive guys can be demanding, because we know what we want
and even though we understand submissive...
Well it's kind of like shopping, I was trained to zoom in and get what I want.
Perhaps it consumerism, 'fast food mentality'?
or just being frustrated having to say for the 20th time, No really I do /don't like that.

[jp]

I don't consider myself to be a submissive, but I do enjoy power exchanges.

As far back as I can remember I've always enjoyed the feeling of "being controlled" sexually. My fantasies have always revolved around being under the control of a woman. That control has always been centered sexually, though... and not as a generic all-encompassing control.

I've recently met a dominant woman online, though, who is testing my resolve to not be a submissive person. I find myself doing things for her and saying things to her just because I think it will please her... things I wouldn't normally do. Even as I say or do them I think to myself how this isn't something I'd normally do and I wonder why I'm doing it. Quite simply, though, I can't explain why I'm doing it. It's a pretty unique and hard to describe feeling. It is definitely a submissive feeling, and I'm surprised at how much I seem to like it.

My distinct experiences have been entirely online, but some of it carries over into my real life as well. If a woman that I find even remotely attractive asks me to do something, I'm almost guaranteed to do it... and even go out of my way to do it... to satisfy them. Now, in these cases, we aren't talking sexually, although I suppose the root of it is sexual. Thinking that making them happy would make them interested and eventually lead to sex.

Going back to my original statement, I don't consider myself to be a submissive. I don't like the connotation that comes with it. But I absolutely love the feeling that comes from giving up control. You can draw your own conclusions from that.