Need some quick help/advice

[addictlion]

Hey all, some of you may or not be familiar with me. I have done a few teases. And have been maybe a step or two above a lurker on this site.

That aside I would like to ask the members here for their advice. I am obviously into T&D or I wouldn't be on the site. However, I also have fantasies about financial domination. For those unfamiliar it is what it sounds like. A domme, takes or "milks" money from a sub. Toward that end I started engaging in fantasy sessions on the NiteFlirt site. Again for the unfamiliar the sight is like one stop shop for phone/cam sex. My problem is that I recently stepped over the line and let a NiteFlirt domme have access to my NiteFlirt account and order some stuff. She asked for the password so she could milk me and have total control. I had edged about 30 times for her and was feeling crazy in the head...so I gave in. She promised she wouldn't take any money, but proceeded to take a few hundred dollars from me that I couldn't afford.

To those reading that may seem a little confusing. Why call for something and not want it, then be upset when you get it. Thus the crux of my problem. I do like it. When I saw how much she took, I shot a humongous load. But I can't afford it and know that my significant other would be really upset by it.

One last piece of info is that I am not new to phone sex and would consider myself out of control with my "addiction" to sex...Hence my name on the site. I have cashed in an IRA to pay phonesex bills, I have lied to borrow money from family and friends to cover these bills. I also masturbate about 10 times a day. More if my wife is not around.

My question is what can I do to stop. I know I'm out of control but can't stop. The only time I stop is when I'm dead broke with no money in my account. I am asking the members of this site, because this is the only community I know of that would be familiar with my experiences. Also I have tried talking with my wife and she definitely views my behavior as despicable and illogical. She also is too sick to watch our finances, so she has to trust me with them. So what do I do? How to I break this hold on me? I don't see anything wrong with the activities I have been into, I do fell that my "over participation" and the consequences from them are wrong. Any help or insight will be appreciated.

[dark]

First: Financial Domination is one of the fetishes I have no understanding for. So in the end it's your own fault that you are broken now.

Second: Go as soon as possible to a doctor. I mean a psychologist. Oh yes that will be embarrassing but you have no choice. You can't control yourself and in the wrong hands it will end very bad for you. You will lose your wife my friend, if you don't go to a doc! I promise you will lose everything and everyone.

Do something, you are sick. Addiction is a sickness. This is all I can tell you. You need help! Fast! Don't throw your life in a garbage can, please.

[subboytom]

Its a very difficult thing to deal with, but the only way I know is a combination of willpower from you and supporting pressure from your peer group. This means you have to do several things.

First, you admit to yourself that you have a problem. You've done that.

Next, you admit to others that you have a problem. You've started doing that, by posting this thread, but you need to do more. Talk to your s/o. Explain to her that you need her help with this. Talk to your friends. They might well be shocked, but if they're good friends, they will help you. You need them to put pressure on you, whilst supporting you when you need it.

If you can afford it, I would tally with Dark. A psychiatrist specialising in addiction can give you far better advice than anyone here.

At the same time, try and reduce the amount you masturbate. Force yourself to do it. Incrementally, if you need to. Aim to get to 3 times a day, which is still quite a lot, but far more normal.

Finally, read the book 'Oedipus Wrecked' by Kevin Keck. It's only short, very well written, and the problems he faces are remarkably similar to yours. It may help to know how someone else got through those problems.

If anybody knows how to contact Submatt, perhaps they could PM addiction with those details (having checked with Matt first, obviously). He reported a similar problem, and they may be able to support one another.

Best of luck to you.

[HogtiedCowboy]

I agree with dark...The best course has to be to talk to a psychiatrist about this. At the very worst it wont be as bad as losing your wife/friends and not getting any better.

I think you need to take a break from all online/phone sex sites, and see someone. Not tomorow, not next week, but now.

STOP READING THIS AND GO!

HogtiedCowboy

[Princess Raquel]

Fetishes are definately something that needs to be dealt with a professional doctor if they get beyond your control. It is the same as with drugs and alcohol addiction. All of it is mental but helps stimilate that chemical or emotion in your brain that craves it. I have seen many people take it to the edge, then a little more, and a little more. Then before you know it, it's too late. (and no, i am not refering to that kinda edge, lol) But most of the women on nite flirt will do and say anything for your money. Personally I can't do that anymore, that is why I cancelled all my pay services and soon my website once I find a better home for my videos. But all in all, you have to make the decision of what is important in your life. Just know though, you don't have to do it alone. I am sure your wife and many others who have been in your situation will help guide you through your decision to seek help

[Salerio]

Disconnecting yourself from the internet before masturbating might be advised, as well.

[shypantieboy]

I think it's terrible how easy it is to get totally additcted to some of the sites/services available on line, or on the phone. ... even more terrible how many people there are out there who prey on those who have a problem. .. that is the way of the world, I suppose.. but, still a very discouraging statement for the society we live in. I agree with everyone else who put in their two-cent's worth here... it seems to me you've taken the hardest step by admitting you have a problem. that is HUGE, and I applaud you for admitting it. All the rest is nothing more than finding someone you can feel comfortable enough to talk things through.. and work out some kind of plan to get things back on track. Judging by your comments, you seem determined enough to take the necessary steps. So, like the saying goes... Just Do It!

[Timshel]

Sex Addiction is a reality. When any activity takes over your life you need to get some definite help for it. A doctor and one that specializes in addiction medicine is where to go. Here are a couple help lines I pulled from the Love Line website. They should be a good place to start.

Abuse Victims Hotline (Support for victims of physical, psychological, sexual and financial abuse)
(866) 662-4535 avhotline.org

National Mental Health Association
(800) 969-NMHA (6642)

American Social Health Association
(800) 227-8922

[goodboy]

You have a "significant other" and you are lucky, I assume you want to continue with your "significant other"....

I've played on nightflirt but maybe I was lucky to have only paid for the call...there are a lot of people on the end of a phone line there so it is risky.

1. Ping an Email off to the admin staff at night flirt..... I am sure the users/staff aren't supposed to take money from your account without NF getting commision... so She is stealing.

2. I assume you paid Nightflirt by Credit Card.... you had a moment of madness and allowed this to happen but they should be able to grab it back.

3. Accept the fact that you made a mistake... and resolve to learn from it!

4. You do have an addiction, I think Hypnotherapy will guide you back to the fact that while the computer screen can be your best friend.... your fingers can be your worst enemy... You need to remember that you are lucky enough to have a "significant other" .... And I assume you want to keep her?

[Mz_Teneale]

I agree with Christie, you shouldnt be angry at the domme for taking the money out of the niteflirt account, as you already put that money to spend on phonecalls. You defianately should be angry at yourself for letting you get into this predicement.

You need to talk to your wife, talk to your doctor, and in the short term i would reccommend suspending your internet connection so that you can get yourself back on track without any distractions.

[Princess Raquel]

Actually he said he was not new to phone sex

He did admit to getting off to it, but he knows he has a problem. Personally I don't see the harm in seeking advice from a community that is open to taboo lifestyles. Regardless of him having the money in his account already, and him admitting to getting of to it. He realizes it is wrong. It just sucks that when someone maybe looking for help the get bashed by others who don't actually understand the post and who have there own biased issues with people on niteflirt. I just like to think that as human beings we would rather lend a hand rather then to judge without the facts

[shypantieboy]

Actually he said he was not new to phone sex

does that make a difference? could have become an addict on the first call.

He did admit to getting off to it, but he knows he has a problem. Personally I don't see the harm in seeking advice from a community that is open to taboo lifestyles. Regardless of him having the money in his account already, and him admitting to getting of to it. He realizes it is wrong. It just sucks that when someone maybe looking for help the get bashed by others who don't actually understand the post and who have there own biased issues with people on niteflirt. I just like to think that as human beings we would rather lend a hand rather then to judge without the facts

exactly so. if it is just some story to gain some sympathy.. well, that would just be too insane for words. .. but even if it's half legit, I would surely think the folks here would toss out whatever ideas they might have that could help.

ain't none of us perfect.. if it's all legit, i still give him a lot of credit for asking all of us about it. .. and while none of us may have the perfect answer for him, perhaps he will get enough out of the suggestions to come up with a plan that will fit for him

[Princess Raquel]

Nevermind, I am not trying to turn this to a personal battle. I graduated high school many years ago and left the petty bull shit behind when I did. Regardless of if he spent $100 or $1000 that he could or could not afford. The bigger picture is that he is admitting to a problem. There are sick people out there, and then there are people who you can't trust. Personally I am not going to judge one guy cause he "may" be lying to get attention. There are nice people out there, I have met alot on Milovana. But there are some liars as well. I think if the Mistress is tricked by a person then that is on her. And it is not right to pass judgement on others because of it. Bottomline, the facts are there, regardless of money, he is looking for help, not critizism

[nomeuno]

I think that if you are really into financial slavery or whatever it is. I can't get into that myself. I believe in tributing a Mistress and tributing well, but not as a means of getting off. In your case i would Mortgage the house, sell the cars, give up the IRAs, college funds and any other means of liquid finances, give it all to some hottie, end up homeless panhandling still for her and CUM my Brains OUT! why fight it?

[Mz_Teneale]

LOL

Im sorry for laughing in the face of a serious situation, but the above post was just funny