Bumps on the road.

[Snot]

I haven't made any updates on my adventure into chastity and orgasm denial in a while and its mostly because my wife and I have started talking to each other about what we want out of our sex life with one another. We've learned a lot about how we do more to make the other much happier and insure our sex life isn't boring as it has been in the past. Mostly due to us never really talking about what the other wants. So we've started hitting some bumps in the road and I'm just trying to work out a solution by thinking out loud.

I know this is something my wife and I are going to have to discuss and figure out on our own but it helps me think and understand more about how I'm feeling and what I need to do when I try to explain it others. Plus your thoughts and ideas help me refine my out look so here's the thing.

In our day to day life my wife and I are both dominate people. At least it seems that way since with both work in jobs where we are telling others what to do all day. Plus neither of us have much of a tolerances for putting up with peoples shit in general. In the bedroom this is different. We both like to give up control and be submissive for a change. So each of our fantasies require the other to take control or role play in a way that is pretty much the opposite of what turns us on. We both really really love to be teased. We both love for the other to talk dirty and be in charge.

We need to figure out how to make this work so that both of our fantasies can come true. We've recently started trying to meet each others sexual needs and we've been having trouble with it. When I say we I mostly mean that I've been having trouble with it. The short version is she likes to be teased to the point of insanity and then given an amazing earth shaking orgasm... or 2 or 3. Rarely she want's to be denied just so the threat keeps her guessing. She likes me to be very vocal, light spankings, light bondage, and pretty much making her do things in a sweet sexual dominant way. Anything from making her suck me to wearing a vibrator while she cooks and cleans. Things like making her beg me to suck my dick or getting her right to the edge and while using a vibrator, tongue, and figures telling her she's not allowed to orgasm until she sucks me off. If you can't imagine seconds latter I'm in the middle of the one of the best blow jobs of my life and she trembling on the edge of an orgasm sucking for all shes worth.

I'm into being teased just as much as she is but I also like being denied and all the chastity games. If she talks dirty to me that even better. I'm mostly happy as long as we are getting to play with one another ever day or few.

So for me I really need to start taking a dominate role in the bedroom much more so than I have in the past. I'm surprised at how difficult it has been for me since we seem to pretty much like the same things. I don't know what it's so hard for me to talk to her as I would her to talk to me. I've been having a lot of trouble being dominate since I've started. I mean I've gotten much better at it since I started trying but I'm still having a hard time with it and now that I've been locked in chastity its gotten more difficult. A few of the reasons are that I feel more needy and less dominate after not cumming. I'm just over a week into denial and we've noticed that we also can't do a lot of the things she's enjoyed so much. It's hard to explain.

She can still give me a blow job as in the example above but instead of her being crazed with need and desire after 15, 20, or 30 minuets of sucking for all shes worth instead she gets about 3 minuets or even less before I'm puling her off trembling with every muscle in my body straining to keep from blowing my load. So it seems like since we've started chastity play its taken away a good bit from the things she enjoyed most about our sex life. This is kinda made worse by the fact that I've been doing a very poor job of it from the start.

She is worried that it's going to be really difficult for us to take turns being dominate if I'm locked in chastity. I think we have different views on what dominate is but I really need to learn how to play the role of her fantasy. I want to be the one in her head when the waves of an orgasm start crashing over her but its really hard to stay in character when i have to ask her to stop for a while ever few min so that I don't cum.

Its just been over a week and in the last day or two my one desire to have an orgasm has went though the roof. It's like she can look at me and I get hard. By the time I get done warming her up for a long tease I'm already on the edge of cumming.

Well I've said it all. Maybe it will help. once I read over it again in a few days. I think I need to spend some time reading fantasy stories about being a dominant male to get some ideas. I just really don't want my chastity denial fantasy to take away or lessen her experiences of her fantasies.

I'm open for comments and advice

Cheers

[SexualChoc]

yo could lick her but not let her cum
while locked up in chastity

or vibe, or wear a strap on over your belt
tie her up tickle her
just keep you belt on!

kinda of like Cock holding with someone dominating her.

If she wanted , she could join here and you do real cock holding
there several dom's here.
you could talk to Alison
http://www.milovana.com/forum/memberlis ... ile&u=1742
or looking into a porfessional who would dom you as a couple.

[shell]

Here is my two cents worth....said quickly, because I am short on time.

Trade off weeks....one week, you are dominate...with no chastity device....be total dom. I agree that if I had to submit to someone that was in a chastity device.....it would not feel right.
If a week isn't enough...two weeks...or a month. But each of you have to stick to who's week it is to be in charge.

It can work....will work....but it will take practice. *Smile*

I think I am missing something else I wanted to say...but I forgot what it was. *lol* I will check back tomorrow......

[Snot]

yo could lick her but not let her cum
while locked up in chastity

or vibe, or wear a strap on over your belt
tie her up tickle her
just keep you belt on!

kinda of like Cock holding with someone dominating her.

If she wanted , she could join here and you do real cock holding
there several dom's here.
you could talk to Alison
http://www.milovana.com/forum/memberlis ... ile&u=1742
or looking into a porfessional who would dom you as a couple.

Thanks for the reply I've been thinking about looking into a strap on but idk. It kinda needs to be something that turns her on.

The main thing I need is to become better at talking dirty as a Dom. We are just getting into chastity and though we are both very good at teasing we are just now getting into denial. I'm the only one that likes to be on the denied side of that. She likes to be threatened with it but has no love at all for being denied herself. At least not yet.

Cuckholding isn't appealing to either of us.

Thanks for the ideas ive been reading a out what it's like to fuck your lady with a strapon and it sounds appealing. I think if we try it I would still want to use my own tool until it became to much. The chastity is just a tool to keep me from getting off in a moment of weakness. The real fun for us is the teasing so we both like for me to be unlocked for all of our fun. Though Im interested in the kind that you slide yourself into.

I've heard they give you enough feeling to be turned on but not enough to get off.

[Snot]

Here is my two cents worth....said quickly, because I am short on time.

Trade off weeks....one week, you are dominate...with no chastity device....be total dom. I agree that if I had to submit to someone that was in a chastity device.....it would not feel right.
If a week isn't enough...two weeks...or a month. But each of you have to stick to who's week it is to be in charge.

It can work....will work....but it will take practice. *Smile*

I think I am missing something else I wanted to say...but I forgot what it was. *lol* I will check back tomorrow......

This is kinda what I've been thinking is going to be the best way to meet in the middle. There are just some issues with doing it this way. Mostly because for me the best part of being denied is how it brings me so close to her. After a week of lock up I'm much more willing and egar to pleasure her. Well it's not like I don't normally want to but after being denied I physically need to pleasure her.

So what I'm thinking and hoping is that I will be unlocked almost every time we play. Mostly because I like to be teased but also to help with her fantasy. We talked about it a lot tonight and she agreed to play it by ear. Some of her fantasy has to do with her making me cum multiple times throughout the day while I'm teasing her and then her not being allowed to orgasm until the end.

So she is going to try it out next weekend and see how well I can tease her without me being allowed to cum. If I do a good enough job she's going to keep me denied. At that point I would have been locked up for two weeks. If she feels her fantasy Isn't complete then on the weekend of June 12th I'll get to orgasm while making her fantasy real.

If i passed the first test This would be my 2nd test to see if I can be her fantasy without cumming. At this point I will have been denied for 6 weeks. If I make her fantasy amazing this time as well I will have proved that I can do it without getting off. If I succeed I will get to orgasm the weekend of the June 22nd on the two month anniversary of being denied.

It's kind of an odd game but I think it will work for us. For one if I do well I will be proving that I can please her while being denied and that we can both get what we want at the same time. I also will get to cum after 2 months instead of having to go without for 6 months on our first go at chastity denial.

It's odd because I get to cum a lot sooner if I don't do well since from her point of view the 6 months was more of a gift to me than what she wanted. So she wasn't planning on keeping me denied that long anyways, she was just teasing me with it. I'm really happy with the plan and even though I don't really know when I'll get to cum its set up as a trial to see how much I get to enjoy my chastity in the future.

I think it's going to be really hard since I'll be having to deal with my need to cum and knowing that the better I control her the longer it will be before I get to cum. This is going to make it evening harder because we will be fucking on and off all weekend while in between I'm commanding her to suck me until I cum... I'll just have to force myself tell her she didn't suck me good enough and push her off each time I get to the edge. Then we can switch to something else until I cool back down.

Its going to be so fucking hard i can't imagine. Today after 10 days of being denied I want to cum so bad. Today is really the first day that I wanted to orgasm bad enough to think about begging for one. I'm not sure how much more intense its going to get. There is a good chance I'm not going to have any will power left next weekend when faced with 3 days of sex and blow jobs and having to be the one that pushes her mouth away before I explode. If my some miracle I'm able to keep from giving in and cumming all over her face when test 2 comes around after being denied for 6 weeks. Wow it doesn't look hopeful at all. I have a feeling I'll be needing a lot of encouragement and support. So get your pep talks ready.

My goal is to be denied more than 2 weeks and less than 2 months around about but leaving it up to her to decide when. If I pass these two tests its what I will be looking forward two. I just feel like its a big IF.

So what do you think of the plan and do you think I have a snow balls chance in hell of being able to summon up enough will power to not allow myself to cum during our two planned weekends of sex?

Thanks for all your input and advice.

[dr_cunning]

Couple thoughts... from my own experience, I can easily switch back and forth between being sub and Dom, while being denied/denying myself. However, I am able to put myself into the appropriate Dom "headspace" that I don't NEED to cum, and instead just focus all my sexual energy and rock hard cock (it's rediculous how hard it gets when i haven't cum for a while!) into being evil, teasing and relentless and completely devastating my poor girl into a whimpering mess. Once she's recovered i can just as easily lie on my back and become a whimpering mess myself while she teases and then denies me.

However, we only play things that way over a few days and i always get my rocks off at least once a week. You are talking about something with longer term denial and a much more complete submission via your chastity belt. It also sounds like you can't quite find that correct "headspace" to shut off your own needs. In short, I have a feeling that you're likely biting off more than you (or maybe anyone?) can chew in trying to be a long term belted and denied subby, that is being constantly asked to be dominant.

I would suggest adopting one of two solutions as you two try to feel your way with this... either follow Shell's suggestion of trading off the roles of Dom and sub every few weeks, months or whatever or... for now, just follow something more random and unscripted as i described where you only get to cum occasionally, she teases you frequently, but you can still have enough control and natural male dominance to put on a good show and "own the role" when you need to show her who's boss.

I realize that either of those solutions don't sound quite as hardcore to you, who obviously wants to be a full time belted subby... but I just don't think you can be a convincing Dom to your wife when your junk is locked away and she has the key!

[Snot]

You make alot of good points. It sounded much more realistic when we were talking about it than it did while I was typing it out here. Still though I'm going to roll with it. It's really still a win win either way for me. I think we will end up going the taking turns route if I don't make it.

I don't really think we are that hardcore about it at all. I've talked to some mistresses that claim to IMO extremely strict about it by pretty much keeping the sub under lock and key all the time other than the rare release for a quick spurt before being locked up again. That's not my idea of fun at all.

I think it's going to boil down to how well I play the role. Under normal conditions I do t have any trouble giving my wife the dick. I'm just now sure how much my lasting power is going to be effected by denial. I think i get the Dom mindset I need to get into I just haven't tried it yet.

It's going to be fun finding out though for sure.

[shell]

Wow......I simply can't imagine what it would be like for both of you on the blow job thing.......
I can't imagine how hard it will be to stop and not cum.......and I can't imagine how awful it would feel to hear that I didn't do it good enough...and am pushed away. That would kill me inside.....I would become an emotional basket case. It would go beyond the sexual experience for me.

But having said that......if it works for the both of you..........then go for it....each couple is different, with different things that work for them. I wish you success in your endeavors *big smile*

[Snot]

Wow......I simply can't imagine what it would be like for both of you on the blow job thing.......
I can't imagine how hard it will be to stop and not cum.......and I can't imagine how awful it would feel to hear that I didn't do it good enough...and am pushed away. That would kill me inside.....I would become an emotional basket case. It would go beyond the sexual experience for me.

But having said that......if it works for the both of you..........then go for it....each couple is different, with different things that work for them. I wish you success in your endeavors *big smile*

Shell thanks for the huge boost of encouragement =p

Its not really an emotional thing. She just doesn't think she will enjoy herself as much if I'm not allowed to orgasm very often. So we decided to find out for sure by giving it a go my way.

I'm not feeling very confident about being able to hold back for a whole weekend though and that's just for round one. I won't have to worrie about it much longer though it will be here in 3 days.

[shell]

Wow......I simply can't imagine what it would be like for both of you on the blow job thing.......
I can't imagine how hard it will be to stop and not cum.......and I can't imagine how awful it would feel to hear that I didn't do it good enough...and am pushed away. That would kill me inside.....I would become an emotional basket case. It would go beyond the sexual experience for me.

But having said that......if it works for the both of you..........then go for it....each couple is different, with different things that work for them. I wish you success in your endeavors *big smile*

Shell thanks for the huge boost of encouragement =p

Its not really an emotional thing. She just doesn't think she will enjoy herself as much if I'm not allowed to orgasm very often. So we decided to find out for sure by giving it a go my way.

I'm not feeling very confident about being able to hold back for a whole weekend though and that's just for round one. I won't have to worrie about it much longer though it will be here in 3 days.

Keep an eye on her mood though, if you make it and don't cum and push her away.......she may say she's okay...but her eyes will tell the story. *gentle smile*

I wish you oodles of luck. *Smile*

[Snot]

Thanks i will, but I don't think it's going to be like that. I hope not any ways. I kinda hoping she will be moaning and screaming her approval. :)

[shell]

Thanks i will, but I don't think it's going to be like that. I hope not any ways. I kinda hoping she will be moaning and screaming her approval. :)

I'm sure there will be plenty of moaning!! *giggle*

[Snot]

Tonight I've done one of the most challenging things I've ever done. I like doing challenging things. I enjoy a good bit of sexual pain. My wife knows this she helps me with it. We do some pretty hard core shit together and normally she's fine with it. For example we both like ballbusting... Ok mostly me but shes into it because I like it. We had thins thing where she would sit on my stomach and punch me as hard as she could in the balls to see how many punches I could take.

It's something we maybe tried once a month because well after you get punch full force in the balls many times in a row you really try to forget the two or s of pain down there exist for afew weeks. The first time I think I tapped out after maybe 30 blows. Over the years we set a new record of 128. I couldn't beat it. Tried many times but for whatever reason I wasn't in the zone. Two years ago I felt like it was time... So we tried it. At 120 blows I was so nauseous I thought I would throw up. At 120 blows I did throw up.

I couldn't help it, it wasn't like I planned on it happening. Anyway she flips out and decides she's never playing the game again....

So tonight she tells me to put these industrial clamps (sex toys) on my balls for 4 hours. They are used for holding wood planks together while they are being cut and they squeeze my balls just hard enough that im almost not able to stand it.

I think it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. My stomach muscles started cramping imedatley after I put the clamps on my balls. I've never had them on for more than half an hour or so. After about an hour my stomach muscles knotted up and and I started to get nauseous.

After 2 hours I started to really feel like I was going to vomit. I was trembling pretty bad and having trouble sitting up. At 3 hours I couldn't sit up anymore. The knot in my stomach tightened to the point were I was forced to curl forwards and put my chest on my knees. I was also shaking so badly I couldnt use the keyboard on my computer. My wife got so worried she started asking me to stop.

The last hour was pretty bad on many levels. Mostly my wife started flipping out wanting me to stop. I guess I should have just to keep her happy but I'm not really that smart.

Have you every dared someone to do something that you really didn't want them to do? Then when they did it it shocked you more than it did them?

I really wanted to give up on the last hour even before even before the last hour really. Her flipping out did something and made me push on... To spite her i guess. I started gaging or dry heaving. Nothing came up but I could stop reching. Guess it's a good thing I wasn't able to eat dinner. I'm sure it would have come up.

I started to have trouble breathing and that with the gaging and fighting with my wife was hell. The k of in my stomach was so tight i wasn't able to draw a full breath and I was sweating badly and having hot flashes like I was about to pass out.

So my wife has gone from worried to pleading to mad as hell and begging me to stop. Then it was over.

I managed to keep the clamps on for 4 hours. I didn't have much time at all to bask in my acheivment because that's when the fighting started. I just don't get why she flips out so hard.

I'm going to get some sleep this is just stupid. Yea she was worried and wanted me to back out. It was her idea in the first place. I don't think she has the right to get piss off for me going through with it. I had blood flow warm balls and all. No signs of danger, just a lot of pain spread out over 4 hours.

So yea great timing too. Right befor our weekend.

[shell]

Well, we talked about this on the other thread.....and we discussed getting a safe word for either of you to use, when something needs to stop.
You just always have to remember, when doing Dom/sub things and she's in the dominate roll, you have to do what she says. It's her job to keep you safe. When you are up for your turn to dom, you want to keep her safe.....gotta share the safeness. *smile*

There is one other thing....on the thread over there.....you did not say that She was the one that had you put those freaking HUGE clamps on. I would like you to let her know that I meant no disrespect to Her what so ever for freaking out about the clamps. I respect her very much and I want - need, her to know that. *warm smile*

You will get this worked out.......because after all....she is your world...your life.....your breath! *Smile*

[Snot]

Thanks for the ki d words Shell. We talked it over and came up with a safe word... "Oh Shit" I thought it would be fitting lol. Everything to do with that is all peaches and cream now. I apologized over a nice long tease where the evil woman unlocked me and let me out of the cage but didnt lay a finger on me. :(

We had alot of fun making up though and since I currently can't move my tounge we are going to go out latter and talk somemore. The hard part is going to be me stoping whatever I'm doing when she uses the safe word.

Do you have any idea how hard it would be to stop something like that when your so close to the end and you know you can make it? I'm not sure I'd be able to even if I went back. :(

The clamps are my toys I picked up from Wallmart a week or two ago. I think this may have been the first time she was watching when I used them but even so we didn't expect it to keep getting worse over time at least not by that much. So now that that's out of the way I think we are going to have fun this weekend. I'm really worried about doing a good job on one and but on the other I'm ready to orgasm badly.

I also do have much hope that ill beable to pull off what I have planned. When she was in the middle of her orgasm tonight I think I could have been on the edge in one stroke. Having my fingers inside her and feeling her pussy clench as she climaxed was so hard to do. That and feeling her whole bodly trembling was just so fucking tempting. It made me want to cum so bad and now that I'm locked back in the cage my balls are aching from being turned on for so long.

It's amazing how much pleasure I get out of making her orgasm after Ive been locked up for a while. This weekend is going to be really difficult.