FB: Long Distance with Brea

[IHeartMilovana]

Please leave your feedback for my first tease. I hope you like it. Even more, I hope there aren't any bugs...

[IHeartMilovana]

I just noticed all of my formatting was somehow removed. Bold, Italics, ect. Does anyone know why that happened?

[hhhobo]

Can't help you on that, but I think you have done a great job. Super model, lots of frustration, but a great release at the end.

[Nezhul]

too much text for me. That's what turned me off. It doesn't mean the tease is bad - I didn't really tryed it.

In my experience any intimate play do not involve a lot of conversation. It's mostly straight forward, phrases, wishes (commands), etc... but when I see a lot of blabbering in a tease.... It's just not for me.

[slutty1]

Great job on the tease. I thought the pics and instructions were good, and the story was very well done. The use of the perfume and candles were nice touches, and I thought the writing really did a great job of establishing the sweet, loving tone/mood you were going for. Personally, I prefer a story that's more kinky and less loving and emotional. But, given the mood you were going for I thought you did an outstanding job.

Not sure what happened with your formatting; maybe you should post in the tech support forum and give a sample page of your script.

[IHeartMilovana]

Thanks for the comments. I knew it was going to be too much text, but frankly I just got tired of editing. I am not the best writer, so I didn't enjoy working on the finishing touches of the tease. I almost considered giving up and not publishing but I am glad I did.

Ill make sure the follow up is a little less wordy.

On another note is anyone interested in writing a tease with Faye Reagan? I would really like something with he
r and considered writing it myself but I don't want to know every twist and turn in the tease. If someone is interested pm me.

[jp]

I disagree on the wordiness. If a tease has timers in it (which I really like... hate clicking "continue") then it's my opinion that there should generally be enough text to last at least half of the timer.

Nerzhul mentions intimate settings don't typically have a lot of conversation, but I don't really think that's comparable. When you're with someone there's a LOT more interaction and you aren't just staring at one picture for 60 seconds after you've finished reading the text.

The text adds a level of interaction. The bottom line is that this is porn, and yes I want to look at the pictures. But the whole idea of a tease, to me, is to increase the arousal with the aid of the text. I would much rather have 50 words on a page than have 10 words.

My $0.02.

Nice tease, by the way.

[ugie]

Best tease I have done in a long time. But then it's just my style. To each his own and this was right up my street.

Love the sweetness. It felt really genuine and the girl is a beauty.

The only improvement I could suggest would be the addition of beats or a metronome to regulate stroking. Then again, some people don't like that kind of stuff.

Five stars. Great job *****

[janmb]

First of all, thanks for a great tease - really good work

I disagree on the wordiness. If a tease has timers in it (which I really like... hate clicking "continue") then it's my opinion that there should generally be enough text to last at least half of the timer.

I agree. It's a fine balance, but for teases that wish to be a bit story-based, being a bit wordy isn't a problem imo, as long as it is of decent quality - which this one definitely was.


Only thing I'd like to point out for teases using more text: One should strive to put the actual instructions as early in the text for each page as possible, otherwise half the duration is gone by the time you know what to do.

Other than that, more text is just great

[IHeartMilovana]

Thanks for the kind words. I just released part 3 and I hope it is a little better than part 1 or 2. I am trying to balance the story telling without being overly wordy. I think I managed to do that here given the format. You'll see.

If anyone has any additional comments I would love to here them. I could make more with Brea or I could start something else. Any thoughts?

Also, I am still waiting for someone to make a Faye Reagan tease....

[Nezhul]

why not making a tease with her yourself?

[IHeartMilovana]

Nezhul,

Frankly because I don't have the time. It takes alot of effort to find photos, make up a story and then compile it as I am sure you are aware being an author yourself. Also, as many others have said sometimes your tease isn't as good to you as to others because you know what is going to happen. This is the case even though you ca tailor your teases to your tastes, they still loose a little bit in the delivery because you wrote it.

So, I have a soft spot for thin ladies with perky breasts. Brea hits the spot, but I love me some read heads too. Therefore, I would love to see a tease with Faye Reagan. My biggest fear though would be for someone else to grab her and use her in some CBT. It would just totally ruin it for me.

Anyway, I hope you like the newest tease I published. Any feedback would be great.

[edgingaddict]

Wonderful tease. I love the story going on slowly. At the end my cock was ready to explode. It felt amazing. Thanks a lot for your effort and work.