Feedback: Teasing Little Sister 1

[Mr-Elusive]

So I finally got around to do my first tease. I'm a bit of a n00b, so don't crit it too hard, but feedback is good so that I can make no. 2 better.

Thanks to Cumhardy, chewit and lots of others for ideas and awesome teases.

[bringheater]

I couldn't go on after the second frame...how old is this girl? Please assure me she is of age and I'll go back and do the tease and then let you know.

Thanks!!!

[Mr-Elusive]

Obviously she's 18... http://www.emily18.com/

[slaveamy]

She really looks too young, creepy

[TheGraduate]

emily18 has to be at least 24 by now.

she's been emily18 for yeeears.

[Triple Alfa]

First of all I'd like to say great choice going for Emily. Also she's 21 in the pics I believe, so I don't see the problem. And kudos for the nice writing. Not many try this hard.

[SPOILERS!]
Constructive criticism:

You wrote: "Wow I just show a little skin and start jerking off at full speed" Obviously there is a "you" missing after "and".

You wrote: "Mmmmm okay I'll stop being such a tease get to the edge for me...." They should be two sentences. The second starting at "Get". Also there probably should be a comma after "okay".

In the third to last frame you missed a comma in the second sentence.

The pre-cum thing was a nice touch, but not everyone produces it at the same rate. So using it during time-limited events might not always work well.

I hope in part 2 you let her imagination wander a bit. Letting her focus on what the viewer might want, or she could do, or what might happen, would add a layer that uses the viewers imagination instead of just the picture.
[/SPOILERS]

[Mr-Elusive]

In the third to last frame you missed a comma in the second sentence.

Tell you what, when you've published a single tease, I'll accept that as constructive. As for the rest of your comments, I shall take them into consideration. ;)

[cumhardy]

i enjoyed it, great tease!

although I agree with alfa on the precum thing, its not a big issue though.

[dicklet]

I *loved* this tease. Bratty little sisters are the besssssssssssst.

[suave009]

She looks too young.
Web admins should do something about this.

[1azzu1]

when i did it i was not able to get eny precum... kinda ruined it for me... but beside that great tease...
cant wait for the next

[Mr-Elusive]

You're supposed to keep doing it till you get some. :P

[justans18]

Ok, look, don't you all think,( the ones who think she's young, or below 18), that if she was actually under 18 that the tease would have been taken off the site by now, plus the person who posted it would definitely be in jail,and kicked off the site permanently. The tease is for fun, not to criticize, if u don't like it, then don't click on it, let it go,she's cute,has a nice body, and I can't wait for her next tease.

[Mr-Elusive]

Haha I'd like to think the people that run emily18.com would be put in jail first but thanks for the support Justans18. :D

[cumhardy]

She looks too young.
Web admins should do something about this.

uh, the tattoos are a dead giveaway... there are teases with younger looking models