My first tease :) Feedback appreciated...

[kyliecallme]

Hi all! I'm new to this forum, new to web teasing, and frankly, pretty new to this site! Lol... I just posted my first tease, at http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showtease.php?id=3393, and I was hoping you'd take a look and give me some feedback? Any and *all* feedback is totally welcome. :)

I'd like to start making them regularly, cause they're so much fun to do! I just want to make sure I'm on the right track first. Thanks so much in advance! :)

Kylie

[eteased]

Hi, Kylie. Welcome aboard! It's great to have you here on the site. Hopefully you'll have fun interacting with the people here and maybe even learn some new tricks. :)

Your first tease showed some really great potential... I thought the writing was good and it had a nice little story to it. The pics were really good, too. I look forward to seeing some more of those. :) My main suggestion for improvement would be to make the next one last longer! I think that you'll find that guys here like to be teased for a long, long time. For example, maybe you could've described yourself giving a long, slow, sloppy, wet blowjob to the guy before he fucked you.

I took a quick look at your site, too. Reading through your interests, it seems like there are a TON of potential areas where you might like to make teases that would go over well here! I think you'll find that people here would love to see teases with role play (naughty neighbor and seductive babysitter are frequently seen here). Other areas you mentioned like sissy dress up, sensual domme, and humiliation are all quite popular, too.

So anyway, have fun with the site and be sure to check out some of the existing teases that are out there. I'm sure you'll find something that will inspire you. I look forward to seeing more from you!

[slavechylde]

Overall, I think you're going in the right direction. However, I have a couple of recommendations.

1) Don't group descriptions and commands together. Sometimes, in reading your paragraphs, it's hard to discern the commands from the descriptions. When stroking, a stroker doesn't want to have to concentrate really hard (no pun intended) to figure out what he's supposed to be thinking or what he's supposed to do.

2) While it is good to describe one's own body, and why the cuck or any other male would want it, you probably want to throw in some descriptions of sexual activities. How will the REAL man touch you? How will it feel when his cock is in your mouth or in your pussy or ass...why it feels it good...and why the cuck can't possibly ever fulfill that need.

3) Longer is better. For many of the guys on here, even 15 - 20 pages is no longer a challenge, if it ever was. They're looking for an excuse to stroke, and stroke for a long time.

4) Make sure you write with your own voice. Don't try to imitate others (I am not saying you did, just being cautionary). Make it your own style. Become confident in that style and how you want your phrasing and descriptions. Your teases will come across strong and confident if you do.

As I said, I think you've got a good start. I hope you'll continue to contribute.

[cumhardy]

Hey kylie.
Great tease for a start I hope you write more.
I also took a look at your site. Liked the idea of the ignore-line :D You should write a tease along those lines!

I would also agree, it could have been longer... but I guess a short tease leaves us wanting more

[all2true]

welcome to Milovana.

I give you bonus, bonus points
for putting your own pictures on a tease!
(very rare)

Woot!

Please post again
and I hope you will create anouther teases?
Very much looking forward to seeing more of you (yes pun intended)

Welcome again.

[billlr]

The tease was much too short. And it really wasn't imaginative enough.
Maybe show pictures of yourself as an exotic dancer or a streetwalker doing some stuff that you're not supposed to be doing.
Like you're a virgin about to get married and need to turn tricks (but NOT all the way) to pay for your wedding and maybe or maybe not go too far and bam, you're in trouble.
I'd love to see a tease like that. A girl with your innocent but sexy look could really pull that off. And then TOTM here you come!

[tuhkaan]

Very hot tease (especially your pics!!!!!) with a lot of potential .. and finally a cuckold tease again! ;) (these r toooo rare around here!!)

Pity it didn't last longer and we didn't get to see another guy really screwing the shit out of you ..

[kyliecallme]

Thanks so much for all your warm welcomes, feedback, and replies!! Obviously I knew after posting it that it wasn't the best it could be~I just wanted to get some opinions before I tried my hand at making another. This whole site is just so much fun to me!! I like the exhibitionism aspect. :) So yeah...I'll put my thinking cap on and take all your suggestions to heart... You can look for another tease from me in the near future. I just hope I can come close to the standard that's already available on this site!

Anyway~TY again!!
xoxo, Kylie