Feedback: Original Sin

[AnonymousPseudonym]

Hi Milovana

I am the creator of the Original Sin series of webteases, set on board a rebel spacecraft in the not too distant future. My teases are designed to allow a small amount of choice so that the reader feels that they're making their own adventure, but that they're doing so in a world where choice is limited.

Some of the teases require toys and preparation to complete, some of them do not. The description and the first page of each tease details these requirements or lack thereof.

I'd love to hear your feedback on these teases. Everything from typos to overarching criticisms of style; I just want to know what I can do to make my next tease a TotM contender and just more enjoyable for you. Thank you for your input.

ORIGINAL SIN
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=24554

ORIGINAL SIN 2
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=24922

ORIGINAL SIN 3
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=24961

ORIGINAL SIN 4
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=25002

ORIGINAL SIN 5
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=25144

ORIGINAL SIN 6
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=25983

ORIGINAL SIN 7
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=26048

ORIGINAL SIN 8
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showf ... p?id=26615

ORIGINAL SIN 9
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showf ... p?id=26913

ORIGINAL SIN 10
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showf ... p?id=27104

ORIGINAL SIN 11
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=27398

ORIGINAL SIN 12
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=27510

ORIGINAL SIN 13
http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=28998

[dragoul]

What an amazing series! I really loved it. And considering the very high rating, I think I might not be the only one One of the best series around!

I especially liked the nipple play and the humiliation. But the bondage and all the rest was also great. Also a very good and plausible story. The choking is a little bit dangerous I think, so I altered it a little. You should consider editing the tease in that particular point.

I liked the third part most, and of course I visited all 6 ships Very well done PinkDKB!

[mangoman]

It's a good serious, but I don't like that you don't spend much time with each girl. It's like "go to girl A, bust your balls, tie them up, alright, untie yourself and go on to the next girl".

You should concentrate on less girls, but give each of them more content.

[AnonymousPseudonym]

What an amazing series! I really loved it. And considering the very high rating, I think I might not be the only one One of the best series around!

I especially liked the nipple play and the humiliation. But the bondage and all the rest was also great. Also a very good and plausible story. The choking is a little bit dangerous I think, so I altered it a little. You should consider editing the tease in that particular point.

I liked the third part most, and of course I visited all 6 ships Very well done PinkDKB!

Thank you for the high praise! And your liking for the third part is reflected by others in the current ratings of my three teases.

I'll try to include some more nipple play, I don't really use it as much as perhaps I should. I'll have a look at choking elements in my teases soon, but I'm glad that you altered it - after all, the first page of my tease does contain a disclaimer to do exactly that if you feel it's unsafe.

As for the story, I've tried to make it part of the tease without making it necessary for people to have done every single tease prior or to be paying much attention. For those who are, the story does progress, but it's just a framing device to have a variety of ladies in involved.

It's a good serious, but I don't like that you don't spend much time with each girl. It's like "go to girl A, bust your balls, tie them up, alright, untie yourself and go on to the next girl".

You should concentrate on less girls, but give each of them more content.

I will definitely take that into advisement. As mentioned above, my third tease is the most highly rated and that does have the most time with each girl, so I'll try and make it more like that in future. As I become more experienced at making these webteases, I expect that I'll figure out the nuances like that a bit more.

News
Thank you both for your feedback, it really does help quite a bit. I'm currently constructing my fourth tease in the series, and it's going to be an offline tease using TeaseMe. This gives me so many more options for creating diverse and unique teases and to that end, my fourth tease is going to be somewhat different to those previous.

Instead of a single adventure, the fourth mission will be a long term training exercise where you submit yourself to a Mistress for weeks or even months. It will be optional due to its divergence from the usual style of Milovana teases, and the story will not progress much during it, but regardless of how many people use it or its rating, I think there is an audience out there for a less one-off more long-term Mistress program that can govern when you can cum and train you to be a better slave.

[inri2k6]

I loved the creative bondage in this series.

[AnonymousPseudonym]

I've just released Original Sin 4. It's by far the most different from the rest of the series, and the main difference is that it takes place over a period of a month or more rather than just a few minutes or hours. It's more of a weblifestyle than a webtease.

Due to how different it is to the rest of the series, I've kept it story-lite and optional. It uses TeaseMe, a great application that I think I'll be using more of in the future.

OS5 is well under way also, and OS6 is in the preliminary stages and will probably be made solely for TeaseMe.

I loved the creative bondage in this series.

Thank you for that feedback.

[bigblue73]

hi, really enjoyed your teases, but the teaseme chapter appears to be just an xml download with no images or pages.

Am i missing something

[AnonymousPseudonym]

hi, really enjoyed your teases, but the teaseme chapter appears to be just an xml download with no images or pages.

Am i missing something

Fixed.

[dragoul]

I finally found the time to play part 5. And I really liked it!

Of course I did all paths, because I didn't want to miss anything (except for the anal part). Again a good and plausible story, creative ideas, creative humiliation and some nipple torture, which I like.


Since you asked for suggestions:
1. I would like a lot more stroking and edging. I think the slave should be stroking most of the time, to be really desperate to cum.
2. Maybe include less "putting something on and off"-action. If the legs are cuffed, they should stay like that for some slides for example.
3. There was some line writing on milovana lately (writeforme.org). Maybe you could include this as well. But I think it should be only once during the tease and only as a punishment for failing something. If you want to make it more interesting, you could order to put on a a nipple clamp when doing a typo.

Spoiler: show

I didn't really understand how the points are counted on page 61. More points were good right? So it was good for example to be slow on the 50m? Or to need a lot time to edge?

[AnonymousPseudonym]

Unfortunately number 4 was impossible to download as the Media Fire Captcha was impossible to decipher.
Ah well

If you click on the captcha it should refresh.

I finally found the time to play part 5. And I really liked it!

Of course I did all paths, because I didn't want to miss anything (except for the anal part). Again a good and plausible story, creative ideas, creative humiliation and some nipple torture, which I like.


Since you asked for suggestions:
1. I would like a lot more stroking and edging. I think the slave should be stroking most of the time, to be really desperate to cum.
2. Maybe include less "putting something on and off"-action. If the legs are cuffed, they should stay like that for some slides for example.
3. There was some line writing on milovana lately (writeforme.org). Maybe you could include this as well. But I think it should be only once during the tease and only as a punishment for failing something. If you want to make it more interesting, you could order to put on a a nipple clamp when doing a typo.

Spoiler: show

I didn't really understand how the points are counted on page 61. More points were good right? So it was good for example to be slow on the 50m? Or to need a lot time to edge?

I think my next tease might be similar to part 2 in that it will not use toys. This would allow for a more casual experience, and would satisfy your suggestion that the slave be kept stroking most of the time. And yes, I've been making each new tease having fewer, longer segments so that there is less tying yourself up just for a single page.

As for your spoiler, thank you for pointing out a terrible mistake. It was highly unprofessional for me to have left such an error unnoticed for so long in the finished product, and I have rectified it now. Thank again for bringing it to my attention.

[AnonymousPseudonym]

I just released my new flashtease, Original Sin 8. The link is in the OP.

Though I included a link to this thread in the flashtease, you can't copy and paste links directly from flashteases so I'm bumping this thread so that people see it.

Please report any bugs, loops or dead ends you find within the tease. Please also report any criticism, such as 'the timer was too fast' or 'the timer was too slow.'

[candii]

I just released my new flashtease, Original Sin 8. The link is in the OP.

Though I included a link to this thread in the flashtease, you can't copy and paste links directly from flashteases so I'm bumping this thread so that people see it.

Please report any bugs, loops or dead ends you find within the tease. Please also report any criticism, such as 'the timer was too fast' or 'the timer was too slow.'

who are the first two women in the tease? what are their names? thanks

[mangoman]

cant believe you let the most sexy of em all die, mate.

[AnonymousPseudonym]

I just released my new flashtease, Original Sin 8. The link is in the OP.

Though I included a link to this thread in the flashtease, you can't copy and paste links directly from flashteases so I'm bumping this thread so that people see it.

Please report any bugs, loops or dead ends you find within the tease. Please also report any criticism, such as 'the timer was too fast' or 'the timer was too slow.'

who are the first two women in the tease? what are their names? thanks

I give the models and their characters the same names. So Governor Kross is Kayden Kross, and Acting Captain Stevie is Stevie Louise Ritchie.

cant believe you let the most sexy of em all die, mate.

I assume you're referring to:

Spoiler: show

Dannii Harwood, the original Captain of the Ravenor.

And while it was sad, I had to make room for new characters and I also feel that, despite this being first and foremost a webtease, it's important for some characters to die. If every character is invulnerable, then the story feels much more limited and like a simple, safe journey from A to B. I want my teases to have danger, not just to the protagonist but to his associates.

[AnonymousPseudonym]

Man this is the best written teases ive ever saw! Even that Im not into some of the fetishes in this teases (feminization and anal) those are my favorite teases (particulary because of the fantastic bondage in thos teases)!


But, pleases put a regular version of 8 and 9! I cant open flash teases and it would keel me not to be able to do those parts of this amayzing adventure.

I kept the fetishes into only a few of the teases - some of them are stroking only. This way there's hopefully something for everyone. Interestingly, my highest rated teases and the two which stood for Tease of the Month (numbers 5 and 7) included the wider range of fetishes, so it seems that my stroking only teases are less popular.

As for releasing a regular version of 8 and 9, I'm afraid that I have no plans to do so. Aside from the work it would entail, the fact is that flash teases are different to classic teases and many changes would have to be made which would compromise the tease. I don't know why you can't do flash teases, but I recommend using TeaseMe or GuideMe to download flash teases that you would like to do. The only issue with doing that is that the images will look to be poor quality. but at least you'll be able to access the tease.