aldorax wrote: ↑Fri Oct 07, 2022 12:34 pm
At least from my initial run-thru (key word: 'run') it seems the errors I encountered got fixed. This is a very solid tease, with excellent pacing, plot, the right amount of playful evil, and more. Great job!
On a semi-related note, I know you've used her before in teases, but where did you find some of these Hailey sets? They're gorgeous!
Good to hear! I've used coedcherry a lot for her, but honestly she's been in my teases for so long I just have a lot of references without sources
I was just messing around with the pages, I know, my bad, I do not think I will ever have the time to play through this awesome tease, but thank you so much for the effort, maybe one day.
But I found a loop:
On the `katie-3` page there is the "I promise" button it is an action that navigates back to the same page.
It should be a standard (no action) button.
Edit:
I just checked and it seems these are the pages that reference themselves, you might want to check them out :
start
0000-3
0000-P-3
0900-3
1400-10
1500-wantstroke-wait
2000-13
2300-7
2300-bonus
katie-3 (as stated above)
Note: I just wrote a quick and dirty tool, so it is not necessarily a true reference.
I'll try to play it properly it tomorrow if I get the chance. In the meantime, I made some small observations on the 9am session that may or may not be of use:
1. "You can, of course, use your safeword, red, at any time and take a break, but otherwise I expect complete obedience!"
*red* -> *, red, *
2. "...I've just woken up..."
3. The text at the end of the 9am session disappeared before I had a chance to read it. Maybe I'm just a slow reader?
4. The "Skip posing" button remains on the screen. I waited patiently for the five minutes instead of clicking it, so perhaps that didn't trigger it to get removed. I've just gone back to the main menu and it's still there.
Ghingis wrote: ↑Fri Oct 07, 2022 4:39 pm
I was just messing around with the pages, I know, my bad, I do not think I will ever have the time to play through this awesome tease, but thank you so much for the effort, maybe one day.
But I found a loop:
On the `katie-3` page there is the "I promise" button it is an action that navigates back to the same page.
It should be a standard (no action) button.
Edit:
I just checked and it seems these are the pages that reference themselves, you might want to check them out :
start
0000-3
0000-P-3
0900-3
1400-10
1500-wantstroke-wait
2000-13
2300-7
2300-bonus
katie-3 (as stated above)
Note: I just wrote a quick and dirty tool, so it is not necessarily a true reference.
Fixed Katie-3, thanks! I don't mind you finding bugs that way at all if it helps me fix them!!
I often for similar pages just copy the previous page and fill in new text, move things around etc rather than entering everything from scratch, less clicks. Sometimes when I do this and decide I want to go to a new page, I just leave all the stuff below it still in because i'm lazy and if a button only has one direction, they will never be seen Thats what the ones of these I looked at are!
FrozenWolf wrote: ↑Fri Oct 07, 2022 8:36 pm
I'll try to play it properly it tomorrow if I get the chance. In the meantime, I made some small observations on the 9am session that may or may not be of use:
1. "You can, of course, use your safeword, red, at any time and take a break, but otherwise I expect complete obedience!"
*red* -> *, red, * Think this goes badly with the of course earlier, but i made it literally red
2. "...I've just woken up..." To me this sounds like one of those correct grammar but not how I'd use english cases - If ive woken up and slip a bit of grammar I think thats acceptable since it's dialogue and not description
3. The text at the end of the 9am session disappeared before I had a chance to read it. Maybe I'm just a slow reader? As a rule I try to avoid leaving a timer on text onto the next page and add a continue button so if anyone didn't read it in time, they can still take their time before it skips - there wasnt one here so I added it! Obvious exception being hte hands free sections, I can't do much for them sadly.
4. The "Skip posing" button remains on the screen. I waited patiently for the five minutes instead of clicking it, so perhaps that didn't trigger it to get removed. I've just gone back to the main menu and it's still there. Fixed!
Notes in red - these type of notes are very welcome :)
I know its never 100% sure... but can you like poke me if you think the tease is 100% functional now and without tease breaking bugs?
If I commit to this, I need to book a room for 24 hours.. so it's gonna be pretty shitty if I find a tease breaking bug. I sadly can't do a tease for 24 hours at home.
paswis wrote: ↑Sun Oct 09, 2022 3:10 pm
I know its never 100% sure... but can you like poke me if you think the tease is 100% functional now and without tease breaking bugs?
If I commit to this, I need to book a room for 24 hours.. so it's gonna be pretty shitty if I find a tease breaking bug. I sadly can't do a tease for 24 hours at home.
The bug reports have stopped coming in and I have 17 complete surveys so thats as close as I can get
If you did run into anymore though, you can always look up the next page in the code and manually enter that code to continue, though.
Oh, and Hailey is flexible about how you do the tease - its written for a day, but theres a little dialogue if you can't. Life is complex. So up to you!
I forgot to say that the initial part where I had to wake Hailey up was hysterical. I replayed it a couple of times to see what would happen with the different options. That was a nice touch. You've definitely given Hailey a unique personality, uh huh!
"There - now I'm even more nude that you! But I'll only let it distract you just as much as I want it to."
*that* -> *than*
"The easiest thing you can do is clean. I bet the house could probably do with it...hoovering, doing those dishes, the laudry... whatever!"
*laudry* -> *laundry*
"The first is that I want you to be wearing headphones the whole time. And I want you to go go on gonewildaudio and search for chastity."
*go go* -> *go*
"For the entire hour, you are to be listening to someone talk about chastity. Once you press play, you can't pause or turn back unless you need to speak to another human if you go to the shops, for instance. Your earsare to be teased."
*earsare* -> *ears are*
"As soon as one finished, you stop what you're doing and find another. And that starts right now - So go find one and click play!"
*finished* -> *finishes*
My after action report. A combination of memory and doing a dry run in another tab. Some of the complaints are rather specific to my circumstances so feel free to take what you want and ignore the rest.
0900:
The old make you wait game. I played it straight and just waited it out; but the brat in really wanted to poke Miss Sleepy Head. I tried bratting out it the dry run, and the response was about what I expected; no regrets being a good boy in my actual playthrough.
Rules: It was not clear that I was supposed to copy these verbatim. In fact, her phrasing made it sound like I was supposed to paraphrase them out of the first person.
Breakfast: Creative, I like it. Also, toast is itchy and constantly feels like it is falling of.
Minor complaint, I missed that I was supposed to press the Kneeling button. At the time I just pressed it after doing the task and let the timer run out. On the after-action dry run, I tried the "skip timer" button and got into a lock. I was sent back to the start of her reading the rules, and got stuck after the first "Yes Miss".
10:00: Solid scene. The one complaint (which is recurring) is that taking the cage off and on is work. I like the theory, but going through all of that for just 60 seconds of action felt more like a chore than sexy.
11:00: The audio didn't do much for me; but I did finally clean out the basement that should have been cleaned 4 months ago.
12:00: I quite like this idea of making some elements very clearly out of the tease's hand. I had about 10 minutes worth of audio left, which seems like a good number. Having said that, unless I forget about the trick, this probably will significantly hurt repeatability, as I'm not sure I'll be able to avoid meta-gaming it.
Snake: How does the scoring work in that game???. I ended up just counting how many foods I ate after my first attempt got a score around 600
Remainder of the hour: I'm not a big porn fan. I have 2 tagged as "favorites" for situations like this. As it turned out, the one I picked fit perfectly, and the entire portion of it I watched during this task was light teasing.
13:00: Couldn't use a gag; Doctor's orders; nothing the tease could have done better about this. Also had to red out of the anal stuff; was just not a good day for my ass. These didn't really distract from the rest of the hour. Honestly, the only complaint is that it made me said that I can't do gags anymore :(. I also replaced headphones with speakers.
I don't think Blindfold was in the list of equipment to prepare. I also had to get more rope than I originally prepared because I spent some of it securing the vibrator.
Caprice: Is there an official lore guide for the Shattered teasing universe? Using established characters and relationships is nice, but I'm not a fan of quizzing the player on them.
14:00: Another great meal! Some minor complaints: Needing to click edged and swallowed was a bit distracting. I ended up clicking edge before I started stroking, and swallowed after I stopped edging. Also, after the last scripted bite, it seemed to assume I was done eating. One more prompt to reiterate that you are fine to do as many more cycles on your own as it takes would be nice here.
15:00: It felt like she just ignored my answer for if I would preferred stroking or to stay locked up. I answered that I would prefer to stay locked up, so she made me edge for every question I got right? That seems backwards.
Tallest mountains: The one thing I knew about this off of the top of my head is that Everest is not the tallest mountain; it is the one whose peak is farthest from sea level. In tease, I didn't mind that I was marked wrong, since I had no idea what the correct answer is.
Guess the pattern: This is called nerd-sniping.
16:00: Ouchy. My one complaint is that the cage made it so I couldn't get any pegs to stick to my balls. Other than that, a solid scene.
17:00: Yeah, we definitely need a lore reference.
18:00: It wasn't entirely clear if I was supposed to eat during the hour, or just prepare dinner. Especially since the last to meals were eaten in script. I ended up correct and ate during the break, but I wasn't confident about it.
19:00: Again, the wording here wasn't entirely clear, but I assume we were supposed to play both videos at the same time. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with the audio balancing, so I put Haileys up louder than mine with the justification that she deserves to be able to hear what she is watching. Really, I just found that sound to be more interesting the porn sounds. Were the videos supposed to be the same length? I think I remember her asking for a ~30 minute non porn video, so I had no idea what I was supposed to do on the second screen once that ended (I ended up putting on a simmilar non-porn video).
20:00 Was not a fan of this one. I didn't like the premise overall; and ended up getting very confused about what my state was supposed to be. I stayed locked, but the text sounded like I was supposed to be unlocked for a long while. Hailey's comment at the end kind of retconned it, but that was after I spent the entire scene confused, and still didn't make much sense.
21:00: Was not a fan. Also, I'm sure I hit 1 button (in addition to the fake button in the beggining), but at midnight I was told I got 0 points. I was also paying pretty close attention and don't remember seeing any other buttons appear. Using some magical cheating powers, I tried replaying the slides where I think one was supposed to appear and it just didn't. To be safe, let it play from 2100-24 through the start of 2100-28 and just never saw a button appear (If I am reading the script right, there was supposed to be one on 2100-26).
22:00 "I think it's important to remember our routes, don't you". Did she mean roots? Other than that, this hour was a complete dud since I wasn't doing anal.
I also learned around this time that I wasn't allowed to cum today for reason that have nothing to do with the tease, which made for an interesting experience in the last hour.
23:00 - 23:15: I discovered something today. Running a vibrator on a chastisty cage can file off the surface of the vibe, and you get a bunch of vibrator dust all over the place, and a bit stuck onto the cage itself; plus the head of the vibe has some very visible damage. This was probably happening throughout the day, but I just noticed it during this point. This quarter hour was extremely frustrating. I considered giving up here.
23:15-:11:59: Not a big fan of forced failure like this. Having an out of a guarenteed ruin in exchange for ending the teasing is fun; but the stimulate yourself until you have an oopsie doesn't do it for me. I played by my normal rules of slowing down to avoid orgasm. I also remember getting confused on one of the long edge holds, where it seemed like I was supposed to release, and not touch, while Hailey was talking about a hypothetical edge. I got the memo about halfway through the hold and started edging again then.
Also wasn't a fan of the asking permission to ruin in this context. It felt like you were supposed to push the button after you already had your ruin.
Ultimately, it got to be too much during the edge every 15 seconds portion, and I threw in the tell and asked for a ruin (which I didn't actually take).
magie686 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 10, 2022 5:55 am
5/5 Well done.
My after action report. A combination of memory and doing a dry run in another tab. Some of the complaints are rather specific to my circumstances so feel free to take what you want and ignore the rest.
0900:
The old make you wait game. I played it straight and just waited it out; but the brat in really wanted to poke Miss Sleepy Head. I tried bratting out it the dry run, and the response was about what I expected; no regrets being a good boy in my actual playthrough.
Rules: It was not clear that I was supposed to copy these verbatim. In fact, her phrasing made it sound like I was supposed to paraphrase them out of the first person.
Breakfast: Creative, I like it. Also, toast is itchy and constantly feels like it is falling of.
Minor complaint, I missed that I was supposed to press the Kneeling button. At the time I just pressed it after doing the task and let the timer run out. On the after-action dry run, I tried the "skip timer" button and got into a lock. I was sent back to the start of her reading the rules, and got stuck after the first "Yes Miss".
10:00: Solid scene. The one complaint (which is recurring) is that taking the cage off and on is work. I like the theory, but going through all of that for just 60 seconds of action felt more like a chore than sexy.
11:00: The audio didn't do much for me; but I did finally clean out the basement that should have been cleaned 4 months ago. Section was worthwhile then I think!
12:00: I quite like this idea of making some elements very clearly out of the tease's hand. I had about 10 minutes worth of audio left, which seems like a good number. Having said that, unless I forget about the trick, this probably will significantly hurt repeatability, as I'm not sure I'll be able to avoid meta-gaming it.I always think there are a few things like this here and there - I tend to wait years before replaying a tease on purpose for this reason to be honest. I was very surprised when I last replayed my own series, I had forgotten so much
Snake: How does the scoring work in that game???. I ended up just counting how many foods I ate after my first attempt got a score around 600 I made it a low score on purpose, think it depends on difficulty
Remainder of the hour: I'm not a big porn fan. I have 2 tagged as "favorites" for situations like this. As it turned out, the one I picked fit perfectly, and the entire portion of it I watched during this task was light teasing.
13:00: Couldn't use a gag; Doctor's orders; nothing the tease could have done better about this. Also had to red out of the anal stuff; was just not a good day for my ass. These didn't really distract from the rest of the hour. Honestly, the only complaint is that it made me said that I can't do gags anymore :(. I also replaced headphones with speakers.
I don't think Blindfold was in the list of equipment to prepare. I also had to get more rope than I originally prepared because I spent some of it securing the vibrator. Added!
Caprice: Is there an official lore guide for the Shattered teasing universe? Using established characters and relationships is nice, but I'm not a fan of quizzing the player on them. Not so far as I know! I do like giving the minor rewards for people who remember but try not to make it too heavy handed. Have to indulge a little though :)
14:00: Another great meal! Some minor complaints: Needing to click edged and swallowed was a bit distracting. I ended up clicking edge before I started stroking, and swallowed after I stopped edging. Also, after the last scripted bite, it seemed to assume I was done eating. One more prompt to reiterate that you are fine to do as many more cycles on your own as it takes would be nice here.
15:00: It felt like she just ignored my answer for if I would preferred stroking or to stay locked up. I answered that I would prefer to stay locked up, so she made me edge for every question I got right? That seems backwards. This was intentional. Your preferences weren't the priority for Hailey today :) Another one where you can metagame it next time, but I focus on the first playthrough.
Tallest mountains: The one thing I knew about this off of the top of my head is that Everest is not the tallest mountain; it is the one whose peak is farthest from sea level. In tease, I didn't mind that I was marked wrong, since I had no idea what the correct answer is.I didn't know this either, so I imagine Hailey may be the same
Guess the pattern: This is called nerd-sniping.
16:00: Ouchy. My one complaint is that the cage made it so I couldn't get any pegs to stick to my balls. Other than that, a solid scene.
17:00: Yeah, we definitely need a lore reference.
18:00: It wasn't entirely clear if I was supposed to eat during the hour, or just prepare dinner. Especially since the last to meals were eaten in script. I ended up correct and ate during the break, but I wasn't confident about it. Added a sentence to clarify
19:00: Again, the wording here wasn't entirely clear, but I assume we were supposed to play both videos at the same time. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with the audio balancing, so I put Haileys up louder than mine with the justification that she deserves to be able to hear what she is watching. Really, I just found that sound to be more interesting the porn sounds. Were the videos supposed to be the same length? I think I remember her asking for a ~30 minute non porn video, so I had no idea what I was supposed to do on the second screen once that ended (I ended up putting on a simmilar non-porn video). Added a sentence to clarify
20:00 Was not a fan of this one. I didn't like the premise overall; and ended up getting very confused about what my state was supposed to be. I stayed locked, but the text sounded like I was supposed to be unlocked for a long while. Hailey's comment at the end kind of retconned it, but that was after I spent the entire scene confused, and still didn't make much sense. The idea was that you controlled how this scene went by your decisions - there was options to either be uncaged and stroke, or to remain caged and use a strapon to stroke instead of yourself. Which did you go for? Think this was my most experimental hour in terms of writing but I did enjoy it, and currently the most popular hour on the poll. But if I missed up explaining somewhere won't help!
21:00: Was not a fan. Also, I'm sure I hit 1 button (in addition to the fake button in the beggining), but at midnight I was told I got 0 points. I was also paying pretty close attention and don't remember seeing any other buttons appear. Using some magical cheating powers, I tried replaying the slides where I think one was supposed to appear and it just didn't. To be safe, let it play from 2100-24 through the start of 2100-28 and just never saw a button appear (If I am reading the script right, there was supposed to be one on 2100-26). Yup I missed two of the buttons working by making them disappear immediately, whoops! Fixed. This section has also got the most negative feedback - won't be doing it again!
22:00 "I think it's important to remember our routes, don't you". Did she mean roots? Other than that, this hour was a complete dud since I wasn't doing anal. Corrected
I also learned around this time that I wasn't allowed to cum today for reason that have nothing to do with the tease, which made for an interesting experience in the last hour. Good time to realise
23:00 - 23:15: I discovered something today. Running a vibrator on a chastisty cage can file off the surface of the vibe, and you get a bunch of vibrator dust all over the place, and a bit stuck onto the cage itself; plus the head of the vibe has some very visible damage. This was probably happening throughout the day, but I just noticed it during this point. This quarter hour was extremely frustrating. I considered giving up here. I've seen a lot of them used and never encountered this - you might have a dodgy vibe, maybe try a new one?
23:15-:11:59: Not a big fan of forced failure like this. Having an out of a guarenteed ruin in exchange for ending the teasing is fun; but the stimulate yourself until you have an oopsie doesn't do it for me. I played by my normal rules of slowing down to avoid orgasm. I also remember getting confused on one of the long edge holds, where it seemed like I was supposed to release, and not touch, while Hailey was talking about a hypothetical edge. I got the memo about halfway through the hold and started edging again then. Added a line
Also wasn't a fan of the asking permission to ruin in this context. It felt like you were supposed to push the button after you already had your ruin.
Ultimately, it got to be too much during the edge every 15 seconds portion, and I threw in the tell and asked for a ruin (which I didn't actually take).
Appreciate the detailed feedback, left some comments in red!
FrozenWolf wrote: ↑Sun Oct 09, 2022 9:13 pm
At the rate I'm going, I'll finish this by mid November.
I had a few observations, none of which matter in any way, so feel free to disregard!
I forgot to say that the initial part where I had to wake Hailey up was hysterical. I replayed it a couple of times to see what would happen with the different options. That was a nice touch. You've definitely given Hailey a unique personality, uh huh!
"There - now I'm even more nude that you! But I'll only let it distract you just as much as I want it to."
*that* -> *than*
"The easiest thing you can do is clean. I bet the house could probably do with it...hoovering, doing those dishes, the laudry... whatever!"
*laudry* -> *laundry*
"The first is that I want you to be wearing headphones the whole time. And I want you to go go on gonewildaudio and search for chastity."
*go go* -> *go*
"For the entire hour, you are to be listening to someone talk about chastity. Once you press play, you can't pause or turn back unless you need to speak to another human if you go to the shops, for instance. Your earsare to be teased."
*earsare* -> *ears are*
"As soon as one finished, you stop what you're doing and find another. And that starts right now - So go find one and click play!"
*finished* -> *finishes*
I will review these once you make it through if you keep making them, the kind of small errors that require me to cross reference with the code are much easier to do all at once! Cheers!
20:00 Was not a fan of this one. I didn't like the premise overall; and ended up getting very confused about what my state was supposed to be. I stayed locked, but the text sounded like I was supposed to be unlocked for a long while. Hailey's comment at the end kind of retconned it, but that was after I spent the entire scene confused, and still didn't make much sense. The idea was that you controlled how this scene went by your decisions - there was options to either be uncaged and stroke, or to remain caged and use a strapon to stroke instead of yourself. Which did you go for? Think this was my most experimental hour in terms of writing but I did enjoy it, and currently the most popular hour on the poll. But if I missed up explaining somewhere won't help!
...
23:00 - 23:15: I discovered something today. Running a vibrator on a chastisty cage can file off the surface of the vibe, and you get a bunch of vibrator dust all over the place, and a bit stuck onto the cage itself; plus the head of the vibe has some very visible damage. This was probably happening throughout the day, but I just noticed it during this point. This quarter hour was extremely frustrating. I considered giving up here. I've seen a lot of them used and never encountered this - you might have a dodgy vibe, maybe try a new one?
[/spoiler]
For 20:00, I chose to stay caged. It was not at all apparent that I was supposed to stroke the dildo. I thought Hailey was the one doing that (while my hands were bound (in the story at least)). I ended up using the vibe to kind of edge through the cage
For the vibe, it has surved me well for years. I blame how hard I was pushing it into the cage. Also, it occurs to me that if I wanted to make a chastity cage break in a natural looking way, that is pretty much exactly what I would do; and as someone who had had an (admittedly cheap) cage break on them, maybe I should count my blessings that the vibe took the brunt of the damage. Still, no foul here, I've gotten enough use out of this vibe that I don't mind paying for a new one.
What was the Katie thing at the end? Did I miss/forget something? When asked Hailey says she'll explain it after the lockup period or whatever, but "Continue the Tease" just replays the last hour. Also how is the lockup period determined? She just said I have "0 points" or whatever?
20:00 Was not a fan of this one. I didn't like the premise overall; and ended up getting very confused about what my state was supposed to be. I stayed locked, but the text sounded like I was supposed to be unlocked for a long while. Hailey's comment at the end kind of retconned it, but that was after I spent the entire scene confused, and still didn't make much sense. The idea was that you controlled how this scene went by your decisions - there was options to either be uncaged and stroke, or to remain caged and use a strapon to stroke instead of yourself. Which did you go for? Think this was my most experimental hour in terms of writing but I did enjoy it, and currently the most popular hour on the poll. But if I missed up explaining somewhere won't help!
...
23:00 - 23:15: I discovered something today. Running a vibrator on a chastisty cage can file off the surface of the vibe, and you get a bunch of vibrator dust all over the place, and a bit stuck onto the cage itself; plus the head of the vibe has some very visible damage. This was probably happening throughout the day, but I just noticed it during this point. This quarter hour was extremely frustrating. I considered giving up here. I've seen a lot of them used and never encountered this - you might have a dodgy vibe, maybe try a new one?
[/spoiler]
For 20:00, I chose to stay caged. It was not at all apparent that I was supposed to stroke the dildo. I thought Hailey was the one doing that (while my hands were bound (in the story at least)). I ended up using the vibe to kind of edge through the cage
For the vibe, it has surved me well for years. I blame how hard I was pushing it into the cage. Also, it occurs to me that if I wanted to make a chastity cage break in a natural looking way, that is pretty much exactly what I would do; and as someone who had had an (admittedly cheap) cage break on them, maybe I should count my blessings that the vibe took the brunt of the damage. Still, no foul here, I've gotten enough use out of this vibe that I don't mind paying for a new one.
What was the Katie thing at the end? Did I miss/forget something? When asked Hailey says she'll explain it after the lockup period or whatever, but "Continue the Tease" just replays the last hour. Also how is the lockup period determined? She just said I have "0 points" or whatever?
What was the Katie thing at the end? Did I miss/forget something? When asked Hailey says she'll explain it after the lockup period or whatever, but "Continue the Tease" just replays the last hour. Also how is the lockup period determined? She just said I have "0 points" or whatever?
In the end when I press "I have one last question", there is a "What happened with Katie" option. Hailey then says "I'll tell you what...you know those bonus days of Chastity you've earned? Once you've done them...remind me about Katie, and I'll tell you alll about it. You might get more than you bargained for, hehe! Come back and 'continue the tease' once you've done your time locked up, ok?"
What was the Katie thing at the end? Did I miss/forget something? When asked Hailey says she'll explain it after the lockup period or whatever, but "Continue the Tease" just replays the last hour. Also how is the lockup period determined? She just said I have "0 points" or whatever?
In the end when I press "I have one last question", there is a "What happened with Katie" option. Hailey then says "I'll tell you what...you know those bonus days of Chastity you've earned? Once you've done them...remind me about Katie, and I'll tell you alll about it. You might get more than you bargained for, hehe! Come back and 'continue the tease' once you've done your time locked up, ok?"
There was a very small bug locking off the secret ending...you can go to code midnight2-4 to fix that and then continue The bonus days depended on the 9pm task, so that should have fed through...
These three paragraphs of text appeared at once. I'm not sure if there was supposed to be a short delay between them? It does wait on a button afterwards, so it's not too important.
"That list will be...hmm, what was it again?"
"And once you've got hard then scored 15 at snake...you can do whatever else you like with the short time inbetween. Other than try and cum, of course!"
"Enjoy barely stroking, Slave!"
"And once you've got hard then scored 15 at snake...you can do whatever else you like with the short time inbetween. Other than try and cum, of course!"
- It's very easy to score 15 at snake!
*inbetween* -> *in-between*
"First things first and it's very important - Make sure you only take my instructions and a guide and that you can safely get out! I'm not gonna help you get out, so make sure you can do it yourself when the time is right!"
*and* -> *as*
"Now for your next hole...lube up that ass and stick your vibrator in there. Turn it on low. It can add to your list of little distractions from here on out."
- The previous toy list called for both a "Vibrator" and "Vibrating Butt Plug", and while the following button does say "Plugged", perhaps it could be explicit, i.e. *vibrator* -> *butt plug*
"Then once you have them ready, tie one hoop of each to each of your feet."
- It might be better to split this into two instructions. Maybe something like:
- "Then once you have both of them ready, secure one hoop of the first rope around your left foot."
- "And now secure one hoop of the second rope around your right foot."
"Then you're almost there. Just press play on your audio, then put your left hand in the handcuff attached to your right leg, and your left hand to the left. So you're nice and tied, all stuck together!"
*audio, then* -> *audio, put the blindfold on, then*
"So the last thing for you to do is press play on that audio, put the blindfold on, and put your hands in those cuffs!"
- This one overlapped with the previous paragraph, and with the suggested change to the previous paragraph, it's no longer necessary.
<Timer>
- Would it be possible to sound a bell (or even a woman coughing an *ahem*) when the timer ends? I don't think I'd be able to find any audio that was exactly 17 minutes long. That could also be a thought for the 9am session timer.
"Looks like somebodies been having a lot of fun. I've been here 10 minutes and you have been distracting me from my work. Recognise me? I'm trying a new look."
*somebodies* -> *somebody's*
"Nope, Can't hear you through that. But it's fine, I was teasing, you don't need to apologise. I like someone struggling along while I do my work."
*Can't* -> *can't*
"Isn't that better? I bet those really hurt. Push into them with your fingers. Let that blood flow back in."
*Push into them* -> *Roll your nipples around*
"Then when you're ready to listen, put your left hand onto the cuff on your left leg and spread your legs as far as you can. Truly expose yourself while you listen to me."
*onto* -> *into*
"Although your body will go a good job at resisting that."
*go* -> *do*
"Enough that I wanted to see them struggle through much more than a conversation with me."
*Enough that* -> "Of course,"
"It made me laugh without meaning to! Such an important part of my life, but...of course, not everyone knows."
*not everyone* -> *not everyone* (moved emphasis to 'everyone')
"I woke up the next morning with one more key to my name. He's been locked ever since."
*one more* -> *the first*
"Oh, I saw the look in your eyes. Not the whole time."
*eyes.* -> *eyes just then.*
"So she took down her pant and panties, just enough to show me the lock...and blushed oh so much."
*pant* -> *pants*
"Oh did they try and find literally anything else to focus on."
*Oh did they try and* -> *Oh, I could see she was desperately trying to*
"And since it was a cheap Chinese cage...it'd take weeks to ship. She asked, but it was too much for her after a week."
*Chinese cage* -> *cage from overseas*
*ship.* -> *ship a replacement key.*
"She nodded, so I lockpicked and put it on her. Held the key in my hand. And asked the last question of the deal..."
*lockpicked and put* -> *replaced the lock and locked*
*Held the key in my hand. And* -> *I held the new key in my hand and*
"Do you also want these keys, or shall I hang onto them?"
- All other key references are singular.
*these* -> *this*
*them* -> *it*
"Every time he arrives, I ask if he wants the key before he comes in. I say I'll leave it otuside and he can go home. But...he refuses every time."
*otuside* -> *outside*
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