question (s) about mistress....

[jjsubslut]

so i have a mistress, have had for awhile... we met on another site and its long distance.... i know she is real she showed me her webcam during chat..... she has had a problem with a ex before so shes is secretive sometimes i guess...

i have had my problems to so its hard for me to trust some people... i have found her Facebook ( she didnt want me to know it) and it looks fairly legit. she has a few photos and stuff, doesn't look like she is on a ton.. she told me when we started being sub and domme she didnt have a boyfriend but her facebook says she does. maybe he is new... idk..

she claims and says she cares but there are times we dont talk for a week almost. sometimes she doesn't reply to text either...i want to belive her but like i said i too have trust issues sometimes...

maybe she is just busy idk lol. i wish there was a way to take the relationship to the next level one where we talk more....

anyone have similar experience or maybe know things to look out for that its not a good idea to be ina relationship with her. i have thought about a background search i know its kinda extreme but both of us are young she is 22, it probably would be no good anyway. plus i dont really have the money to do it..

thanks for reading and advice :)

[uberbear01]

Distance relationships are hard work it seems like. There has to be a lot of trust from both sides. The best thing I can suggest is to perhaps talk to your mistress as openly as you can. You have legitimate concerns but the background checks and that kind of thing probably aren't a good thing. How would you feel if she had you checked out?

In my humble opinion and from experience, when the person is taking increasingly longer to reply and seems more and more distant, it might be cause for concern. But, don't let me cloud you, talk to her and find out! Good luck mon amie!

[Ohmega]

First off, Mistresses aren't girlfriends. There's no real obligation for things to be more than "just business".

Second, really you shouldn't be getting so invested that you'll consider a background check. Thinking like that would push anybody away. It makes you look sort of desperate.

I dunno, you should just stay cool about it, and try to believe that it's no big deal if she has a boyfriend or anything.

[Quiet Linda]

Give her time, let her set the pace, life is difficult.

[Nezhul]

Personally, I think lonjg-distance relationships have very low chance of success. It's really REALLY rare for them to get to a point where one of you would move to the other one's town to be together. And when that happens, there should be some kind of a meeting before that. Why don't you suggest her going on vacation together, or just meeting somwhere on some weekend?
But personally, I don't think that with your grade of relationship that would happen (I may be very wrong). But you shouldn't see that fact as betrayal. It's just a hard thing not everyone is capable of doing. And women are very emotional and sensual, and distant relationship might just not kick in for them enough to actually fall inlove or develope some kind of a bond. I think it's something you should discuss and decide between yourselves. Get things straight. Is it just a game? Or can it be something more? But do it really carefully, because your anxiety of developing a relationship might just scare her of keeping any contact with you.
Now, that said, the aim of most people's lives is to find a partner to live with and to have family with. And personally, I think it's completely OK to look for a boyfriend and having one, while having some distant relationship, unless this relationship is not something REALLY serious, which isnt in your case. Even if she has a boyfriend, you shouldn't see it as her betraying you. It would be her betraying HERSELF if she would turn down any proposals because of you long way away, and that's not good. And of course it's sonething she would not be telling you casually. Heck, I don't tell my mates on the net how my personal life is going!
I think your course of action should be:
1) get things straight about the possibilities of your relationship, think of if it is even possible for you to move and live together at some point?
2) Depending on an answer, start developing it, meet each other, OR go find yourself a girlfriend too. Best scenario you'll get beautyful girl beside you who loves you, willing to talk dayly in person and won't mind your kink. Clock is running, mate, for all of us, and you better find yourself a WIFE, not just an online mistress which eat up a few years of your life and then you are alone again.

[les]

so i have a mistress, have had for awhile... we met on another site and its long distance.... i know she is real she showed me her webcam during chat..... she has had a problem with a ex before so shes is secretive sometimes i guess...

You have not said how long this has been going on.
Is this your first Mistress ?

i have had my problems to so its hard for me to trust some people... i have found her Facebook ( she didnt want me to know it) and it looks fairly legit. she has a few photos and stuff, doesn't look like she is on a ton.. she told me when we started being sub and domme she didnt have a boyfriend but her facebook says she does. maybe he is new... idk..

Is this boyfriend you ?

she claims and says she cares but there are times we dont talk for a week almost. sometimes she doesn't reply to text either...i want to belive her but like i said i too have trust issues sometimes...

Some Dommes will use silence as a punishment
Do you try and top from the bottom.
Or a being "Pleading Nuisance "
That is try and turn or even demand the tasks etc to what and how you want it to happen ?

maybe she is just busy idk lol. i wish there was a way to take the relationship to the next level one where we talk more....

anyone have similar experience or maybe know things to look out for that its not a good idea to be ina relationship with her. i have thought about a background search i know its kinda extreme but both of us are young she is 22, it probably would be no good anyway. plus i dont really have the money to do it..

Has she asked you to do things that are downright dangerous,
Or is she merely pushing your experiences.

You have not mentioned it but it sounds like she has not asked for money so she is not a pro-Domme

thanks for reading and advice :)

you have not mentioned any about your experiences either.

[Timshel]

Cut it off.

Long Distance Relationships that have no real chance of progressing are in my opinion damaging. They hold you back from forming a real relationship with someone you can see, touch, and truly share life with.

I don't doubt the validity of either of you, but unless you have the ability to move to her or visa versa it is in my opinion a way of hiding from reality behind a relationship that isn't based in daily life. Especially one that started LD, and online.

my two cents.

[jjsubslut]

thanks everyone for the replies...

[jjsubslut]

so i have a mistress, have had for awhile... we met on another site and its long distance.... i know she is real she showed me her webcam during chat..... she has had a problem with a ex before so shes is secretive sometimes i guess...

You have not said how long this has been going on.
Is this your first Mistress ?

well, its hard to say how long. it seems like we use to talk more than we do know.... but i know she has stuff going on to and can get busy but like the past two days we have texted little... meaning i send a text in the morning, tell her good morning wish a good ay and let her know i competed her daily morning task... i do this often lately and she will reply with a smiley face or say good. i ask when she will be able to be online again and she doesn't reply.... i know people get busy but it takes less than 30 seconds to read a text and reply to it.

she is actually my second mistress, i had one before... i like my mistress and am happy i found her just wish a few things were different. i do feel she cares.

i have had my problems to so its hard for me to trust some people... i have found her Facebook ( she didnt want me to know it) and it looks fairly legit. she has a few photos and stuff, doesn't look like she is on a ton.. she told me when we started being sub and domme she didnt have a boyfriend but her facebook says she does. maybe he is new... idk..

Is this boyfriend you ?

nope.... id understand if she did have a boyfriend but before we talked about it and she said she didnt have one... hopefully she started seeing him after that id hate to thing she lied. cuz it doesnt really bother me as long as it doesnt interfere with me and her talking and stuff.

she claims and says she cares but there are times we dont talk for a week almost. sometimes she doesn't reply to text either...i want to belive her but like i said i too have trust issues sometimes...

Some Dommes will use silence as a punishment
Do you try and top from the bottom.
Or a being "Pleading Nuisance "
That is try and turn or even demand the tasks etc to what and how you want it to happen ?

i could ask if im being punished... i dont really think so im a pretty good sub/slave...
not sure if i try to top from the bottom... i kinda doubt it im pretty submissive...
and well sometimes ill hint that id like task but i always leave them up to her..... for ex: i may say in a pm or txt "hey, miss im free the rest of the night if you want me to do any task for you, or anything at all"

not sure what pleading nuisance means lol??

maybe she is just busy idk lol. i wish there was a way to take the relationship to the next level one where we talk more....

anyone have similar experience or maybe know things to look out for that its not a good idea to be ina relationship with her. i have thought about a background search i know its kinda extreme but both of us are young she is 22, it probably would be no good anyway. plus i dont really have the money to do it..

Has she asked you to do things that are downright dangerous,
Or is she merely pushing your experiences.

no, we have done really kinky things lol but she's told me from the start if it feels to dangerous i can say no or slow down etc...


You have not mentioned it but it sounds like she has not asked for money so she is not a pro-Domme

she isn't a financial domme if thats what you mean. she doesn't require tributes or money.... but she does know what she's doing she has been dominant for all her life pretty much.

thanks for reading and advice :)

you have not mentioned any about your experiences either.

well shes my second mistress, but we have been for over 6 months now. what experiences are you talking about??

[J4mes]

Here is my opinion and I have played around on the internet quite abit have been on webcam and other things. I currently have a online Mistress who has expressed interest in meeting me I have not known her long.

If you have known her for 6 months or longer and you want to meet her. If she has not shown any interest in meeting you in that time then she never will. I would say its best to move on if you want to find something real. You would just be wasting your time carrying on explain it to her and see what she says.

[jjsubslut]

Here is my opinion and I have played around on the internet quite abit have been on webcam and other things. I currently have a online Mistress who has expressed interest in meeting me I have not known her long.

If you have known her for 6 months or longer and you want to meet her. If she has not shown any interest in meeting you in that time then she never will. I would say its best to move on if you want to find something real. You would just be wasting your time carrying on explain it to her and see what she says.

thanks james.... she has mentioned if it was possibly to meet she would do it but we pretty much live on opposite sides of the united states, i dont have a job, so not much money, she has a job but cant take off and also has school (college) so is busy most the time and cant take time off. plus with the cost of living and school she doesn't have a lot of extra money...

still waiting to talk to her and see whats up, im sure she's just been overly busy, although im gona ask her from now in if she could at least take the time to tell me if shes busy for a few days or something.

[J4mes]

thanks james.... she has mentioned if it was possibly to meet she would do it but we pretty much live on opposite sides of the united states, i dont have a job, so not much money, she has a job but cant take off and also has school (college) so is busy most the time and cant take time off. plus with the cost of living and school she doesn't have a lot of extra money...

still waiting to talk to her and see whats up, im sure she's just been overly busy, although im gona ask her from now in if she could at least take the time to tell me if shes busy for a few days or something.

No problem
If you want someone real time who you can meet you should move on though.
In my experience its not that difficult to find a mistress obviously I don't know your age or your situation but you should have a look around locally see if anyone is interested.

[jjsubslut]

thanks james.... she has mentioned if it was possibly to meet she would do it but we pretty much live on opposite sides of the united states, i dont have a job, so not much money, she has a job but cant take off and also has school (college) so is busy most the time and cant take time off. plus with the cost of living and school she doesn't have a lot of extra money...

still waiting to talk to her and see whats up, im sure she's just been overly busy, although im gona ask her from now in if she could at least take the time to tell me if shes busy for a few days or something.

No problem
If you want someone real time who you can meet you should move on though.
In my experience its not that difficult to find a mistress obviously I don't know your age or your situation but you should have a look around locally see if anyone is interested.

i have looked in my area before i met her... problem is is most of them are not attractive plus are old enough to be my mom EWWW and the younger ones are either over weight ( not my thing) or are finacial dommes that require money all the time and thats not my thing either lol

[shell]

I had a post written, two days ago, but accidentally clicked on the wrong thing and I lost it.
It is probably a good thing, because I was really mad when I wrote it.

I decided to voice my thoughts again....this time I am calmer.

When I read this thread, it really upset me on two levels.

The first -
JJ, if you were my submissive, I would release you from my service and not have anything to do with you ever again.
You obviously do not trust her. You went behind her back to look at her facebook. You went behind her back to write this thread. And the mere fact that you considered doing a background check on her, proves beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there is no trust there.

Whether it's a Dom/sub relationship, or a vanilla long distance relationship, or a relationship in the outside world, you must have trust or you do NOT have a healthy relationship.

You say that you have trust issues.....well, what do you think it would do to Her trust, to find out that you have been doing all these things behind her back?
Who looked at your facebook without telling you? Who wrote threads in forums discussing you, without your knowledge? Who is considering looking into your private business with a background check?
If you want to have trust, you have to give trust!

You said:

i could ask if im being punished... i dont really think so im a pretty good sub/slave...

To that I say, bullshit! A good submissive doesn't do what you have done!

*just shakes my head* Shame on you!

***

The second area of this thread, that really got to me, was all the negitive talk about long distance relationships. I would say to you each of you that responded with negativity about them.....just because it didn't work for you, doesn't mean that all long distance relationships are due to fail. Yes, yes...just like those of us who have had long distance relationships succeed, doesn't mean that all of them will.

Proof -
I met one of my hubby's online, in an adult chat room, 14 years ago. The long distant relationship lasted about 3 years, give or take. And THEN he moved down here and now owns a house next door to Hubby1's house!

Proof -
I met Master here, almost two years ago and we are happy, we are going strong and looking forward to what our relationship has for us next. And throwing this in....WE TRUST EACH OTHER!!!

Proof -
I met Banquo here quite a while back, but things began to get serious for us in May. Although I have not collared him yet, we both see each other in a relationship together.
We are building trust, so that when we enter the relationship, where I collar him, it will be a lasting commitment to each other.

So don't tell me that long distance relationships don't work!!!! I am proof that they do!

I am not going to come back here and get into some long, back and forth debate with anyone. I just needed to say what I have.....and now....I'm done.

[jjsubslut]

@ shell

for your info more and more people are being more carful when meeting people in person and online. i know of several people that have had background checks done on each other to be safe. you don't always know who your going to run into or if they are real. better safe then sorry.

i am sorry you feel that way but i have to inform you your wrong, at least in our domme's relationship. me and her are both aware of each others trust issues and work together. she knows i have trouble trusting people from past experiences and vise versa. she's ok with it and understands. as far as the Facebook thing goes we talked about that to and she' understands my thoughts and feelings and doesn't mind me looking her up. she explained all the things that i was questioning to me and also explained the reason we havnt talked is she was working 24 hours a day at work. she tried texting me but they never went through because her phone broke.

i never questioned that ldr's do not work....

and as far as what you said about trust... i am not perfect and neither is she. we have both had bad exeriences and like anyone else when that happens it gets hard to trust anyone. you probably have not had this happen to you and im glad you havnt because it sucks. my mistress is probably the closest thing to someone in my life that i can trust and depend on to be there when i need someone.... unless something happens with communication and she cant she will be there.