Personal goals

[secretname]

Hello everyone :)

I've been lurking here for ages, but always kind of afraid to talk to anyone. I've always been pretty bad at denying myself, but I feel like I should make an effort towards rectifying that. I think I want to set a personal goal of not cumming until 2015. My record is about 9 days, so this should definitely be doable.

I'm posting this on the forum so I can have some way of holding myself accountable.

Maybe after New Year's I can set a new goal for myself too :)

I'd also love to hear if anyone has any teases they'd like to suggest for me *smiles meekly*

-secret

[secretname]

Tonight, I browsed tumblr for a bit and then did O Control (level 1) by Ms. Julie. I stopped right before the last few edges, though, just to be on the safe side. I would feel like a moron to ruin things already, pun intended ;)

[JustKrissy]

Well done, mew.

Should totally do the edges, though.

[secretname]

of course! ;)

[chastityjoe]

i too struggle with self denial nd intend to have yet another go at the giving up control series by decker http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showflash.php?id=8743 come jan 1st never made it past day12 on pevious attempts.

[secretname]

I've been thinking of trying that or A Month With Jana, but it's such a huge commitment O_O I don't know if I could make it.

[secretname]

Today I was pretty much on no touch, until this evening when I started browsing through tumblr and stuff, but I didn't let myself edge. Then I decided to go back and do For slave who disallow to Cum 2. Obviously I chose the option of not cumming. I was so horny afterwards though, I looked at some more porn and then decided to do Caroline Years After. This is a great tease, especially if you're already very horny like I am haha. The first time through I chose the option to be teased more. After I did that portion of the tease again, I simply closed it rather than go down the orgasm path and then not cum. I'd rather not tempt myself too much.

I let myself get soft and then decided to sleep in a sexy thong to keep myself a little extra horny while I sleep ;)

It's truly amazing how good edging feels when you're in denial. I wonder if the danger of accidentally going over makes it feel even better.

After all the edging tonight, I think maybe I should give my penis a break tomorrow, haha. It'll probably just make me hornier anyways ;)

[secretname]

Well, I somehow managed to make it all day on no touch, other than when necessary, although I did give in briefly and massage my balls in the shower for a little bit. They were just aching so much I couldn't help it, though I think it probably made things worse in the long run

I also spent quite a while in the chat sharing pics and looking through tumblr. I don't know how I survived all that without even so much as touching myself. My penis is so desperate to be touched...

I also decided to ask to join Della's game after a couple people told me I should. I'm hoping it should take me past new year's, although I have this feeling it may take me quite a bit past *nervous laugh* In the off chance that I manage to finish before New Year's, I'll have to beg Della to extend the game so I can keep my commitment to not cum until next year.

So hard and horny typing this. I decided to put on a cute thong again before going to bed, to remind myself of how horny I am and to keep me that much more frustrated.

~secret~

[secretname]

Well, I have officially joined Della's game! Guess I won't update on this thread much since I'll be updating on the game thread.

I usually don't have the privacy to play until pretty late at night, so it's been almost a whole 2 days of no touch when I finally started Della's game. No targets, as I suspected, hehe. I have a feeling I am in for a much longer period of denial than I had originally anticipated.... and I think I am quite fine with that hehehe *blush*

I'm not sure if this is what people normally do, but I think I'm going to maintain a no-touch rule unless I'm stroking for Della. I don't want to risk any accidents, and I love how achey and desperate it makes me. When I was taking a shower earlier, I was hard as a rock and my balls ached like crazy! So frustrating yet so satisfying. Is every shower going to be like this? I have a feeling it may :P

~secret~

[secretname]

I've noticed.... even though I can't touch, let alone edge (and obviously am not cumming for quite a while), I still find myself looking at porn and making it even harder on myself.... am I just a glutton for punishment? Or am I just too horny to stop myself?

It's become extremely satisfying just to FEEL horny. Getting to touch is even better. It feels like I'm afraid to cum simply because I don't want that feeling to have to end. I wonder if that will change after a couple weeks, or if it will just get stronger.

Maybe I'm just meant to be a chastity slut

Speaking of horny, I woke up so hard and so leaky I was afraid I might cum in my panties just lying there I just had to lie very still and slowly fell back asleep. I wonder if this is going to be a regular occurrence, hehe.

[secretname]

Between having trouble sleeping and being incredibly horny, I decided to catch up on Della's game since everyone else is asleep. It's amazing how good simply stroking is when you only get to stroke on such a limited basis. I savored every one I got to do tonight.

My balls are so achey and full of cum. It hasn't even been a week since I last came! Being on no touch, just looking at porn, or even just thinking of anything sexual at all, and feeling that ache and my hard denied cock is about all the pleasure I can get most of the time. It feels so good yet so frustrating at the same time. I think the frustration might actually feel better than any of the stroking or cumming I did before, as crazy as that sounds. No touch really makes you savor all the stimulation you can get! I don't even know what an edge would feel like now... I wonder how long it will be until I even get one, hehehe.

On the one hand, I wonder how I'll ever last. But on the other hand, I wonder if I'll even want it to end when I get the opportunity...

[secretname]

Holy shit. I am so horny. It seems like whenever I get the chance to really think about just how horny I am, my penis just goes crazy. Not being able to play with it, it's just maddening, especially knowing all I have to do is put my hand down there. Last night, I just laid in bed rubbing my inner thighs, imagining I was getting pegged. I put clothespins on my nipples and just sat here looking through tumblr, basking in the pain/pleasure of it. I feel like such a slut. I'd do anything for even the tiniest bit of relief.

I'm already caught up on Della's game. It probably won't be till tomorrow night that I can stroke again. I have to be careful not to edge, even with nice slow strokes. I miss the edge so much. I feel so slutty, like I'd do anything for just a little pleasure. I'd be that chastity slut who agrees to extended denial for some extra stroking and an edge or two. Hell, I'd probably agree to it just for a good ass fucking, especially if I could sissygasm from it.

So horny. So needy. I feel so helpless.

~secret~

[secretname]

I finally found targets! *squee*

I never thought I would be genuinely happy to tease myself to the edge, twice, with no hope at all of release, only to put it away again. It's like the ache in my balls became a happy ache.

I'm still a little shaky from it.

What am I becoming?

Will I still feel this way 14 edges in?

After that magical 15th edge, will I want nothing but a massive orgasm, or will I just want more of the delicious edge?

What kind of submissive slut am I?

~secret~

[secretname]

I think I'm going to make a new rule for myself. No peeking into the thread for Della's Game unless I am able to stroke right then and there. Going through not knowing if I'll find my target is freaking exhilarating, and of course makes me even hornier than I already am. But, if I already know I won't find my target, it's a lot less exciting, although it is so very nice to get to stroke. Sigh. My poor deprived penis.

~secret~

[secretname]

It seems like some days, yes I'm horny as hell, but it's bearable and I can take a shower without going crazy wishing I could play with myself, and then there are days like today. I swear I feel like my penis could just explode at any moment. I feel so... needy.

It's just sitting there, throbbing in my panties. So desperate for the attention it's not going to get... at least not until some time tonight. And even then, it will probably just be careful, slow strokes, dancing around that wonderful edge that I probably won't get. Della's game is ever so delectable and ever so devious.


I didn't realize just how submissive and needy this would make me. The craving to be at a mistress's service is overwhelming. At least I could give her pleasure and she could enjoy all the orgasms I'm not having. mmmmmm

I hope someone out there is reading my updates and enjoying my frustration. If I make even a single person wet, it'll make me happy *meek smile*

~secret~