FB: The Ultimatum

[Trusfrated]

Please use this thread for feedback regarding my tease series called "The Ultimatum."

Any and all comments, constructive criticism, and bug reports are welcome.

Many thanks to Philo for the Offline Editor and to the countless other Milovana authors who inspired me to finally try my hand at one of these. Your contributions are appreciated.



Online Milovana versions:

Part 1: http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showf ... p?id=25256
Part 2: http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showf ... p?id=25751
Part 3: http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showf ... p?id=29834

Offline TeaseMe/GuideMe HD versions:

Part 1: https://mega.co.nz/#!0RpSARpC!RYI4SQgpI ... YgM0ng00TM
Part 2: https://mega.co.nz/#!JVIEXCqI!tqk3WS-mC ... 3pQ4jDXpl8
Part 3: https://mega.co.nz/#!RUxjyKwb!eTCJymjUl ... nVaNNKV9dA

[elvisomar]

Very good! I'm hoping that the session with the doctor is posted soon! Thank you, and well done.

[Trusfrated]

Thanks for the kind comments, elvisomar. The second part is mostly done, but still needs some editing. I won't say how soon, because my time for writing is limited. Hopefully, it will be worth the wait.

If anyone is interested in a TeaseMe/GuideMe offline version with pictures of slightly higher resolution, you may download it here:

https://mega.co.nz/#!0RpSARpC!RYI4SQgpI ... YgM0ng00TM

[scottish999]

really good tease :) hope to try the new one soon

[philo]

Please use this thread for feedback regarding my tease called "The Ultimatum."

The first part is here: http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showf ... p?id=25256

Any and all comments, constructive criticism, and bug reports are welcome.

Many thanks to Philo for the Offline Editor and to the countless other Milovana authors who inspired me to finally try my hand at one of these. Your contributions are appreciated.

Thanks for the compliment, it is why I released it to encourage more teases to be written.
(You might want to look at my signature if you want a more concrete way of thanking me )

[NSK101]

Loved the tease, cannot wait for the next installment.

[leetitoldu]

superb tease only too short.. im waitng for another parts

[targitai]

Great tease, I loved, even though that left me with restless blue balls. I look forward to continue and be allowed to cum finally.

[allday3]

Great tease!! Cannot wait for the second part :)

[Trusfrated]

Thanks, everyone, for the positive feedback! It really is appreciated.

The Ultimatum, Part 2 has now been published; I hope you enjoy it as well.

For your convenience, I've updated the first post in this thread with links to the regular and offline versions of each part.

If you have time, let me know what you liked (or didn't like) about this one. Of course, please use spoiler tags as you see fit. Thanks!

[arthurb]

Part 2 is superb!



I love the scenario. I hope you keep this going.

[Kurdt57]

Just perfect! Thank you!

[anonymister]

I really liked Part 1, but was somewhat disappointed with Part 2

I like the story and premise, but there was not enough teasing action for me. I started getting bored going from scene to scene. I do appreciate all the effort people put into teases, so sorry to have a less than 5 star opinion.

[Trusfrated]

Just perfect! Thank you!

Part 2 is superb!



I love the scenario. I hope you keep this going.

Great! I'm glad you both liked it! I'm pretty sure it will go on for at least a couple more episodes. I have a longer story outlined, but unfortunately I'm pretty slow to finish them (I started a year ago) so I may take a break and try telling a different story at some point. Your appreciation is motivation.

I really liked Part 1, but was somewhat disappointed with Part 2

I like the story and premise, but there was not enough teasing action for me. I started getting bored going from scene to scene. I do appreciate all the effort people put into teases, so sorry to have a less than 5 star opinion.

Thanks for that honest feedback, anonymister. Does "teasing action"=stroking? I expected that some may not like some of the "conversational" aspects of the story, and I completely understand that. After all, if we're not stroking, aren't we just waiting for our next chance to stroke? There are some teases that are more or less "pure" stroking (with little or no story), and they have their place here just as teases with more of a narrative do.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that as I write, I tend to struggle with how to tell the story while still adding plenty of opportunities for stroking. Maybe my problem is exposition? I noticed that maybe I explain things in greater detail than necessary (see this post for example, lol) and that perhaps slows down the "action" too much. The simple fact is that it's difficult to have a realistic scenario with different scenes and characters and be stroking all the time. There's many teases that pull this off (such as the Happy Edging and Twisty's Holidays series as of late) but it's a lot of work and I have a great amount of respect for the writers that do.

[anonymister]

Yes, perhaps slightly less detail would be better (for me). But no need to cut much. And/or you could add a stroking requirement as a last sentence on some of the pages. Tack on "Give me 20 strokes while you think about what I am telling you"
or "Give me 1 edge while you consider your behavior"

I definitely don't mean to suggest any big changes would suit me better ... And I may be a minority opinion.