An erotic scene of the story I write

Great writing can be the sexiest thing in the world. Give it a shot and describe the most erotic experiences - real or imaginary - right here.
Post Reply
User avatar
Nezhul
Experimentor
Experimentor
Posts: 2373
Joined: Fri Apr 30, 2010 6:22 am
Sexual Orientation: Straight

An erotic scene of the story I write

Post by Nezhul »

Hey everyone. As some of you may know, I write a story. Hell knows how long it would be, it's 46 pages already, and on 44th page the first real erotic scene occurs.
If you are gonna share opinions, then don't be shy to say I suck if you think so, because essentially it'll be a better piece of feedback than taking it easy. Just be specific what you did or didn't like.

If you are interested, here's a longer commentary:
Spoiler: show
The story will have sexual underline, but I try to keep the actual descriptions of sexual acts to minimum. I needed some though, and that deep in the story seemed like a good place to make the first one. So here you are.
The story revolves around two young people (Jake and Ellie) who live in a not really distant future. They live in one house, under one roof, and that's the reason Jake is able to wander off in the end without his shirt.
They don't know each other, but essentially, by the story, they are forced to be sex partners due to complicated circumstances. They basically start with that need, and build their relationship from there, which is a bit tricky, because they both know it ends up in the bedroom, and need to try and do it with as much consent as possible. Not only that, but it must end up in a very kinky BDSM bedroom, which, you can understand, is a weird starter for any relationship.
The scene below revolves three days after they first meet, and the next day after their actual first date that DID end up in the bedroom by consent, despite that they both thought it wouldn't. At that point in story they are more or less cool with each other, but still know very little about themselves and feel awkward and wary. However, they are pretty short on time, that's why Jake suggests to make the first step to something kinkier, and there they go.
p.s. I still need some proofreaders who are interested in the story and able to give in feedback: http://www.milovana.com/forum/viewtopic ... 18&t=15330
p.p.s made it hopefully a bit more readable by adding blank lines between paragraphs :unsure:



**********************************************************************
*** ***
**********************************************************************
When Jake entered her room, Ellie was ready, sitting on the edge of the bed. She didn’t have much choice of lingerie, never having any use for it, really. In half an hour she took a shower and dried her hair, then dressed up as best as she could. She was pleased seeing the look on Jake’s face as he saw her.

She settled for black lace stockings with garter belt, adding a pair of matching G-strings to complete the set. It was pretty good, she felt, although nothing special. Instead of bra she wore black chemise, half transparent so her skin could be seen through it, with lace ornament on it smartly covering the best parts. All in all, she was glad with the effect she managed to get, and was happy to see Jack appreciated it as well. He didn’t say anything, but it was the look in his eyes.

As he approached her, she looked up into his eyes, still sitting on the bed.

“Last night was great,” Ellie thought, “And I want him. But will this one turn out okay? What does he have in mind?”

She reached to feel his cock through his pants, but Jake stopped her hand.

‘I want you to lie on your back,’ he said, ‘and close your eyes.’

“Oh-kay…” Thought Ellie, agitation building up, she did as he instructed.

‘Spread your legs.’

Ellie obeyed, feeling a bit humiliated. But that was what it’s supposed to be about, wasn’t it?

For a while, it seemed like he was just admiring her. She couldn’t see where he’s looking, but her imagination made up for it, drawing pictures of Jake’s gaze traveling around her body, her face, her mouth, her breasts… Looking between her spread legs… She squirmed a bit as she thought about that, her face started to blush.

Finally, she felt his touch on her waist. His hand travelled around her body as he started kissing her. She returned the kiss, while he squeezed her shoulder, stroked her tummy, thighs and inner thighs.

“That’s going a lot slower than yesterday,” she thought, kissing Jake, her eyes still closed, her body moving slightly under his touch, “But damn, I want to see where this is going…”.

His lips left hers, kisses travelling down her neck and onto her breasts. Jake’s hand finally touching her pussy through the panties made her spread her legs a bit wider, a languid sigh escaping her. It went on forever, it seemed. He kissed and sucked her breasts while massaging her crotch lightly, occasionally giving more attention to her clit, which made her breathe deeply.

“He’s enjoying my body,” Ellie thought, as Jake played with her nipple with one hand, while sucking the other breast, his right hand in her panties, “Taking his time, just like with a toy…”

It was surprising to herself how much she liked the thought. It was a bit degrading, but each time she thought about it, her pussy tightened around Jake’s finger.

“Oh, god, stop… Do something else already!” She thought as her body squirmed under his touch. Ellie’s nipples were getting almost too sensitive.

‘Fuck me…’ She said eagerly, hoping to get him on the track.

‘Just relax and enjoy, Ellie. Do you have any toys?’

“As if I’d tell you, it’s personal!”

‘In the drawer’ she heard herself saying, pointing at the bedside table.

“God, I can’t be serious!... Mmm…” She thought.

‘Do you play a lot?’ His voice was filled with curiosity and amusement.

‘No!...’ She said, as his finger rubbed her clit harder, ‘Sometimes…’

‘Good. Let’s take those panties off…’

Ellie opened her eyes just to see how wet her panties are, as he took them off. She wasn’t disappointed, and it made her laugh somehow.

‘Oh god, Jake!’ She smiled, closing her eyes again. It was better with them closed, just letting him do whatever. It was easy and enjoyable.

‘Let’s put this dildo to some use, shall we?

‘Oh god…’ Ellie bit her finger, smiling.

‘Enjoying something?’ Jake grinned.

‘No…’ She said, still smiling.

‘Figured that much.’

Jake gave her some fucking with the dildo, but that was actually a step back, she felt. It wasn’t as sexy as before. Apparently noticing it he changed things up.

‘Here, come here,’ he said.

She didn’t notice when he stripped, but he now sat in the middle of her bed naked, legs spread a bit, his cock hard. Ellie thought that it’s finally time to get a real fuck, but instead he sat her right in front of himself with her back to him, and spread her legs as well, partially restricting them with his own. Jake then grabbed her over the chest and shoulders from behind with one hand, pushing her tightly against himself, and proceeded to work her pussy with a dildo.

“Oh, god…” Ellie could only think, “He’s holding me so tight… so tight… Ohh…”

It didn’t matter now, that the cock pumping her pussy was fake. All that mattered was the heat of their bodies rubbing against each other, as she squirmed and grinded in ecstasy, feeling completely taken.

The night went on and on, but it wasn’t as exhausting as the one yesterday. It was really slow paced, Jake playing her body however he wanted. When he’d let her suck cock she was so into it, as if there was nothing better. He’d make her kneel in front of him and look in his eyes as she worked it, and the emotion it gave her was amazing. It felt as if he owned her entire being, but not in a bad way. It was as if Jake knew better what’s best for her, and she just had to follow along, even if being driven like that was a bit shameful. That feeling of shame was giving everything a whole new edge, however. Ellie was never ashamed of her body, she knew it was good. Today, however she felt a bit like a toy for Jake’s amusement. It was strange too. He didn’t give her what she wanted right away, but instead, it seemed, gave her what she needed.

Later on, Ellie remembered that night as if in a blur. It seemed like they played in her bedroom for hours, Jake finally telling her to bend over at the edge of the bed to fuck. He was straight about it, but he didn’t go in right away, appreciating her for a while, while she stood there, her ass up in the air, her red face pressed on the bed and hidden by the hair. Ellie didn’t dare to look back at him, she was too ashamed of being exposed, yet that much too eager to hold the pose and play along.

To her surprise, he didn’t finish fast after all that foreplay, but finally, when he did, she felt completely spent. Not physically, as it was yesterday when they both lay back, breathing hard as if they ran a marathon. Rather, she felt completely drained emotionally. She just lay there, her torso on the bed, legs limply hanging down from the side of it, even as Jake pulled out, leaving hot cum inside her. Only her garter belt and stockings were left on now. Ellie felt like something needs saying.

‘Damn, that was fine…’ she said, still not moving as he lay down on his back beside her.

‘Did you like it?’ Jake asked.

‘Yes… but…’

“But let’s not spoil this night with ‘But’s’ and talks”, Ellie thought.

‘But what?’ he asked warily.

‘But I’m tired as hell. Let’s sleep.’

Ellie pushed herself upwards, feeling a few drops of Jake’s cum go down her thigh, and absent-mindedly wiped it with the first object she found, which was his shirt.

‘Oh, sorry,’ she said.

‘Never mind, I need to do laundry anyway. Do you want me to stay?’

‘No,’ Ellie didn’t know how to put it better, so she didn’t, ‘No, I want to be alone.’

‘Sure,’ Jake said, giving her a puzzled look, ‘Good night then.’

As the door closed behind him, Ellie thought, still holding his shirt in her hand.

“Oh, now I’ll need to change the sheets. Damn…”
Check out my new site, and read SexTV story there!
Also I have the DARK section that features feature Erotic Horror.
I also launched a SubscribeStar recently! Please come check it out!
Updated whenever I feel like it. :wave: :love:
Image
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 19 guests