Carnal Darkness

Great writing can be the sexiest thing in the world. Give it a shot and describe the most erotic experiences - real or imaginary - right here.
Post Reply
GoddessVertigo

Carnal Darkness

Post by GoddessVertigo »

**DISCLAIMER -
Okay, so look, I've never wrote any erotic story before, and I usually don't write in English, so... this is just a pratice run for me.
so... please, don't be gentle, every note of criticism is welcome. Thanks! :D
Oh, by the way, I suck at naming stuff. so chapters, and characters, and stuff like that... they just have stupid names, get over it. :)
(the name Kat, the leading character of the story, for example, is totally taken from Salamndo's awesome series called Kat's Boytoy)

Prologue - First glimpse


Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. Friedrich Nietzsche


I drifted in and out of focus, as the weary day of blistering hot summer passed through the only class I had left attending before finishing high school and heading out to the "Real" world. A world I had no interest in living in, but rather due to recent developments, discovered I could try and mold.
The teacher was blabbering about how life would be different now, once we leave this classroom for one last time in a couple of minutes, and how we should never forget our individuality and personal skills, which, as he claimed, in real adult life are far more important than our personal taste and likes/dislikes. I yawned and slipped down my chair, trying to consider how my life may look like, now… now that I know.

Dave was looking at me again, more staring than looking, really. His mind flashed with images of me in different settings and features; he didn't know whether to fear me or not, being the only one who knows who I am, or at least as much as I know who I am. Dave was important; I liked Dave. Growing up without a real family was tough, I moved from one foster home to another, always having to hear the same living room one-liner of "I don't know what it is, there's just something about her… such a pretty girl, so much potential, but something seems off", always under the impression I could never hear them, but somehow I always could, somehow I knew without ever listening. And then the Stewart's took me in, when I was 14, and the same living room conversations occurred, they all felt uneasy around me, for some reason, but not Dave. Dave Stewart, my step-brother and my best friend, he welcomed me into his house, into his family, which felt that the single act of kindness of bringing me in justifies years of making me feel like an alien wearing human skin. And now that I know what I really am, and Dave does as well, I had to make sure he wouldn't fear me, I had to let him know somehow that no harm would ever come to him from me, and as far as I'm concerned, from nowhere at all. I looked at him and smiled, trying to come up with just the smile that says 'hey you, just so you know, I wasn't digging in your mind just now, what's up?' a very challenging task to carry through.
He found my smile and smiled back, a sincere smile, as his mind still raced trying to come up with a conclusion of some sort to this very surreal situation. I did my best to push away Dave's thoughts from reaching into my brain, but couldn't, or at least didn't know how. I sighed and gave up, thinking that maybe I could try and talk to him like that. I closed my eyes and focus really hard on sending brainwaves towards Dave's head, all of that while feeling extremely idiotic. What would happen if it wouldn't work, though? What if I'll try and communicate with Dave, and actually send my thoughts to someone else, or worse, what if I'll hurt Dave in some way? Okay, first thing's first. Before working on talking to Dave in the middle of the class, I have to experiment.
"Kat! Are you even listening?" The teacher suddenly shouted at me. I obviously wasn't, and we both knew it, he just had to prove his dominance over us by making me submit to his teachings, I was just gathering my thoughts to answer a sarcastic but harmless answer when the bell rang, finally.
***

He thrashed, and whined, and moaned, forgetting entirely that at the very beginning he asked for precisely that, but that's okay, he can thrash, and whine and moan… I actually like it quite a bit.
I stepped closer and stroked his cheek; the touch of my hand sent him to a new height of terror, knowing there's nothing he can do to keep me from playing with him as much as I want.
"You know I will never hurt you, right?" I asked softly into his ear, a promise that was true, actually. Even though he probably didn't believe me at this point, I don't wreck my toys.
"Yes, goddess, I do." He said, shamefully dropping his gaze to my feet. Such a trained and obedient little toy he is, my obedient little toy. I knew that no matter what, even if I'd agree to let him go, he'd stay. But of course, I would never let him go.
He started trembling, as much as the magical bond I had tied tight around his chest allowed him. Tears came streaming down his face, and he started pouting mercifully, "Goddess, please… can we not do this again? Please, I – I don't think I have it in me doing it again, goddess", I looked at him, eyes soaking with tears, mouth shaking, cheekbones clenched, I knew, as I watched him, that if compassion was something I had allowed myself to indulge in, I would have felt extremely sorry for him… He knew that the inevitable smile that came over my face would have come long before he did, he knew mercy isn't an option with me; he knew that crying will never save him again.
"Look at me", I say and give him a serious, yet mischievous look straight in his befallen eyes, "lift your head, and look at me" I say again, in the exact same tone. As always, he does as he's told.
"Do you trust me?" I ask, trying to reach through to him, through the sobs and moans. His shaggy brown hair fell softly to the sides of his face, revealing his deep blue eyes from under it. He was trying to answer my question, but couldn't subtract his whimpers long enough to form words, I kept a calm face and looked in his eyes, gave him just the right energy flow to make him tremble even more. He was about to fall down, and probably pass out if my little bond wasn't there to keep him in place, and that everlasting buzz in his head kept his mind in relative focus.
"Of – Of course I trust you, goddess. More than anything", he says.
"Good," I reply, and I put my hand to his chest, feeling his heart pumping as fast and as forcefully as humanly possible, "Then trust me enough to know when you don't have it in you anymore… trust me enough to know when you've had enough" I said, smiling at him and stroked his hair.
"But – " He said, and immediately stopped in response to my hand stopped stroking his hair, and grabbing it instead, "But what?" I've said, trying not to let it show how disappointed I am by his spontaneous questioning of me, he noticed, but deciding he was already in for it, he decided to go with his train of thought, and handle the consequences, as he knew would come either way, "Would it ever be enough, goddess?"

I smiled, moved my hand down his chest, gave his nipples a loving squeeze that made him shut back his eyes… traced my fingers down until they reached the base of his engorged cock and just kept them there. His mind was completely lost in the pleasure; his fists clenched as strong as he could clench them, his whimpers have changed into quiet gasps through his gritted teeth… I came closer to his ear, biting softly on his earlobe, and blowing hot air into it, making the room spin in his mind. I kissed his ear softly and lovingly before I calmly whispered, "No."
***

"Kat!" I heard Dave calling me, as somehow I found myself out of school and walking the fifty minutes walk home, how did I get here? What was that thing I just saw? What is happening…?
"Are you okay? You've been staring blankly into space ever since we walked out of class" he said, with true concern in his voice.
I cannot possibly tell him what I just saw… He'd run so fast… I watched him for a second as his shaggy brown hair flew aside by the wind, and his blue eyes pierced through me, with nothing but concern and care in them.
"Yeah… I’m okay…" I said, a bit flustered, "Just… you know… finishing highschool, the real world, skills… whatever Mr. Teach' talked about earlier… he just got to me…" he looked at me, and stopped walking. A sudden expression of complete disbelief flashed through his face.
"You actually expect me to believe that just a few nights ago you found out you might not even be human, and leaving school bothers you?", he always knew when I was lying, even when I lied a lot more subtle lies than this obnoxious one. Sometimes it felt like he could know what I'm going through better by reasoning through my lies, than my truths.
"I'm doing the best I can to keep it out of my mind" I said, and started walking again, feeling like I'm just ready to cry. He didn't say a thing, he knew I was telling the truth. He caught up to me, put his arm around my shoulders and said with his smile that I learned to find so much comfort in, "You know we'll get through this, right?"
His eyes suddenly flashed with a different pair of eyes, sobbing, screaming eyes, pleading eyes. Eyes I feel like I've seen before, but can't tell where. The illusion snapped out of my mind as soon as it got in. I couldn't control it anymore, I started sobbing uncontrollably, and Dave… he just stood there, holding me tight until I could finally calm down.
"I won't let anything bad happen to you" he said.
I looked at him, with the soaked vision I had through the tears, and I knew he was right. Even if I'd let him go, he'd stay.
User avatar
les
Experimentor
Experimentor
Posts: 6126
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:04 am
Gender: Male
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual/Bi-Curious
I am a: Dom (Male)
Sub/Slave(s): My serfs
All 2 True is head Serf
Location: London England
Contact:

Re: Carnal Darkness

Post by les »

           


              Well done
I have read many appalling efforts by those who's first language is English




           
                                          Lord Les
                                 Be careful what you wish for!

Growing OLD Is Inevitable,
          But Growing UP... Is Optional
                    OR
                              Why do I have to stop being a KID now I can afford it.







                                
                                                                                                                                                   
DLizzie
Explorer
Explorer
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2014 3:09 am
Gender: Male
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual/Bi-Curious
I am a: Switch
Dom/me(s): None, and not looking for a full time 24/7 relationship. Good friends with mutual benefits would be excellent, though.
Sub/Slave(s): See entry under "Dom/me(s)"
Location: usually in my kinky basement - but sometimes I actually have to work

Re: Carnal Darkness

Post by DLizzie »

A very nice first effort, especially for someone whose first language is not English. I have seen much worse from many who supposedly speak English as a primary language.

I do have one niggling little suggestion though, that I think would improve readability and might make the task of writing easier for you. Use shorter simple sentences. Long and complex or compound sentences are both difficult to write properly, and difficult to read.

I am not a writer by profession, except as it applies to technical writing in my job as a professional civil engineer. I am a story moderator on another erotic story site. In that position, over the past several years I have read and helped edit hundreds of stories. I also have a few stories and poems published on that site.
User avatar
Salamando
Explorer At Heart
Explorer At Heart
Posts: 355
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:33 am
Contact:

Re: Carnal Darkness

Post by Salamando »

Not a bad start, flattered I could inspire. ;)

Would be interested in seeing where this goes.
andy wood
Explorer
Explorer
Posts: 65
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2014 8:43 pm
Gender: Male
Sexual Orientation: Straight
I am a: Switch
Dom/me(s): none currently (see "About Me")
Sub/Slave(s): none currently (see "About Me")

Re: Carnal Darkness

Post by andy wood »

Vertigo,

I enjoyed this story. (Or, this beginning of a story.)

But I am curious. Kat is not human. What is she? Is she one of Salamando's Sex Mages? Is she a Succubus? Or is she something else?

I did like the dynamic between Kat and Dave. They both seem to enjoy her control over him, even though he finds it a bit scary.
"The savage bows down to idols of wood and stone; the civilized man, to idols of flesh and blood." - George Bernard Shaw

"Before you fall for someone, be sure they are willing and able to catch you." - me
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 18 guests