Specific kind of dominance?

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whackattack
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Specific kind of dominance?

Post by whackattack »

Since I'm sure I'm not in a unique place in the spectrum here, I'm wondering if anybody can tell me how my particular brand of submissiveness might most clearly be referred to? FYI, my wife has dominating me taken care of, so I am not looking to fill the role. I am however always interested in more ideas, and directions to more material that explores these ideas. I am also fascinated to read from others about where they are on the dominant/submissive spectrum, and why they think and feel that is.

I love female dominance. But a particular flavor of it. I love to be taken charge of, told what to do, and even getting called certain names. But humiliation? CBT? Not for me. (No judgement here. Your place on the spectrum is just as valid as mine, or if you are a domme/dom, then perhaps more valid. :) ).

To clarify some specifics:

First off, no bodily fluid or bathroom stuff. Not my realm.

I love letting her control when, how, and if I cum.

I love getting called names which imply and enforce dominance on her part, but not worthlessness, un-attractiveness, or inadequacy on my part. While acknowledging that there is a great deal of personal subjectivity here, the kinds of names that work for me are: My little Bitch, My Little Boy, My Toy, Slave, Servant, Tongue-servant, Cock-servant, Manservant, and so on. But stuff like Pathetic, Loser, worthless, ugly, inferior, these don't work with me. (Again, no judgement. My personal taste.)

Forced Bi? No, more like coaxed bi, or seduced bi. A perfect example is this video by Lelu love:

http://www.youporn.com/watch/9777157/do ... h-me-demo/

This explores the taboo, hidden-desire nature of the cocksucking fantasy that I believe many otherwise straight identifying men occasionally entertain, and it does so in a way that makes it incredibly sexy, using your desire, physical teasing, and her sensuality to arouse you to the point where you just want to say yes.

Also quite into being spanked and punished with tasks, but not into pain in any significant way. A red bottom? Oh-mommy-yes. Twisting my balls, or otherwise inflicting excruciating pain? Not my thing. (No judgement disclaimer here again).

So that gives the gist.
ashplosh
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by ashplosh »

I would say femdom is the most likely kind of dominance you are interested in. It is kind of hard to really narrow it down because many things in the spectrum overlap and are open to interpretation. My favorite fetishes are furries and feminization, now furries don't really need to be brought up in this conversation but feminization might be acceptable to bring up.

Now I probably only notice this because I am hardcore into feminization so I could easily see people that don't care about feminization disagreeing with me. I noticed 2 kinda contradictory statements you made one is that humiliation is not for you, which is fine and you say you don't want to be called worthless or ugly and so on. But you seem to be interested in at least a small amount of humiliation if you like being called things like slave, and some could argue cock sucking and getting spanked are humiliating as well, so I would say you are at least into lite humiliation. Another thing that seems weird is that you don't like bodily fluid, but want to suck a cock, which would release the bodily fluid known as semen. I guess you could spit the cum out but I personally think if you won't swallow don't even waste you time sucking, I realize it's also possible that you just forgot/didn't realize cum was a bodily fluid in your post.

Anyway back to feminization, I am a switch that is bi with a gay preference. When I feel submissive the thing I would most want is to be feminized, put in chastity and fucked by men and females with strap-ons, while a mistress guides me on my feminine duties and controls my cock with the chastity device. Then when I feel dominant I would most like to fuck a feminine chastised male who's chastity key I would hold. I could easily be considered a person into feminization, as could a guy that dresses and acts like a maid, who has been chastised so long he loses the desire for sex. So many can be clumped together in the various spectrums, and the best I can think of for you is to say your into femdom.

Now if you want to branch out you could try getting into feminization you would just need to set some ground rules. Feminzation is about making a male more feminine and the feminized male is generally called a sissy. Many sissies are into humiliation and you could be into the lite humiliation like being called a sissy or slave, but you can of course not have heavy humiliation like calling your penis a worthless clit. Many sissies wear feminine clothes for humiliation and/or role playing, you could wear feminine clothes as a symbol of how far you will go to entertain your wife/mistress. Many sissies suck cock/dildo and take it in the ass, as we know you are already open to at least one of those things. ;-) Many sissies wear chastity devices to make them more feminine, you can wear a chastity device as well for the same reason and the fact orgasm denial/control is amazing. You can also come up with other rules, like I drink urine while feminized because I like the thought of a guy I'm sucking of feeling the need to pee so he just does it in my mouth, your wife could say she likes teaching the old fashioned way so she often incorporates spanking when you do things together, as an example for what you 2 could do. That's all I got.
whackattack
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by whackattack »

Thanks for chiming in and sharing ashplosh.
ashplosh wrote: I would say femdom is the most likely kind of dominance you are interested in.
Yes this does seem to be the word that goes around. I suppose one of the main motivations for bringing this topic up though is that the term is a bit too general, however your use of the words lite/heavy is something I hadn't really thought about, and those do help.
ashplosh wrote: I noticed 2 kinda contradictory statements you made one is that humiliation is not for you, which is fine and you say you don't want to be called worthless or ugly and so on. But you seem to be interested in at least a small amount of humiliation if you like being called things like slave, and some could argue cock sucking and getting spanked are humiliating as well, so I would say you are at least into lite humiliation.
Aye, stating these things clearly IS a bit of a challenge, hence the point of the discussion, and why I am glad at least someone wanted to talk about it with me :).

As to the name calling part you are right, these things could be considered humiliating, and again your use of the word 'lite' seems useful here. For me though it is at least fair to say that I am more looking for the teasing and stimulation factor than the humiliation factor when it comes to name calling. Being called a bitch is kinky and exciting to me. Being called pathetic or otherwise deliberately being made to feel shame just makes me feel defensive. Thinking more about it, I guess maybe the difference here is that I like being sexually objectified, but not to feel devalued.
ashplosh wrote: Another thing that seems weird is that you don't like bodily fluid, but want to suck a cock, which would release the bodily fluid known as semen. I guess you could spit the cum out but I personally think if you won't swallow don't even waste you time sucking, I realize it's also possible that you just forgot/didn't realize cum was a bodily fluid in your post.
Yes, more lack of clarity on my part. Urine, feces, blood, and spit are the kinds of things that are off my list. Man cum/woman cum are fine for me as long as they are not disengaged from the sexual act. The idea of making a man or a woman cum in my mouth or on my face makes my excited! But cum in a cup and ask me to drink it, and the game is over.

The other factor there is that all the man play stuff is agreed by my wife and I to stay in the fantasy realm. As far as the appeal of the act goes we are both into it, and I must say, when your wife (or partner or lover or husband or whatever you have and love) slowly jerks you off until you are right on the edge, then whispers in your ear "So tell me which one of your friend's cocks would you like to suck.", well son, you have never known arousal heights anything the like. But as far as the complications and risks involved in finding someone we can trust to be discrete and disease free, to respect our boundaries, and especially doing so without putting friendships in danger and all that, well it just isn't something we want to deal with.
ashplosh wrote: Many sissies suck cock/dildo and take it in the ass, as we know you are already open to at least one of those things. ;-)
Yes I suppose I failed to mention ass play at all, which is a rather major oversight in such a discussion. And before I ever tried it, it was a hell of a hot fantasy to be fucked in the ass by a woman, be it with a strap on, her fingers, whatever. And in my more kinky and taboo kinds of moods the idea of being taken by a guy even seemed like a nice, nasty prospect. What I have discovered with help from my wife and before from the first gf I had who had a kinky streak,is that actual anal penetration seems to put my arousal in reverse gear. Play on and around the asshole is amazing, and the initial insertion of a finger or dildo can send one right through the roof, especially during edging. But any repeated movement in and out of my back door always deflates my erection and eventually fizzles my pleasure level.

Bummer too. I have read so many erotic stories and such describing how getting buggered took them to amazing places sexually, and always expected to become a butt slut in the long run. It just didn't work out for me. Se la vi.
ashplosh wrote: ...feminization...
This is another place where I feel the term is a bit too general. If you run a web search on this one you mostly get men in women's clothes, often tied up, usually not getting any or much sexual attention, and being called names at that end of the spectrum I've already pointed out just ain't for me. (I again feel the need to put the no judgement disclaimer here.)

But in some more subtle ways, I really do like being feminized, at least in the sense that I like taking on some of the more traditionally feminine roles in our life. I work at home about 90% of the time and she has a rather highfaltuin office job. I love making her breakfast and lunch, laying out her things, doing the laundry, washing the dishes, asking how her day at work/her presentation/her discussion about her promotion went, I love whenever I get to defer a major decision to her judgement. That kind of service stuff just puts me in a place I love being in, and at least in a more macho-kinda-dude's eyes, and in my eyes for that matter, this stuff makes me feel feminine.
ashplosh wrote: orgasm denial/control is amazing
Um, yes! Until they cure cancer I will maintain that it is the greatest thing we as a species have yet to discover.

Again, thanks for chiming in ash. I really enjoy discussing and exploring this topic.
ashplosh
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by ashplosh »

whackattack wrote:Yes this does seem to be the word that goes around. I suppose one of the main motivations for bringing this topic up though is that the term is a bit too general, however your use of the words lite/heavy is something I hadn't really thought about, and those do help.
There might be a better term for what you are into but I don't know of any. Of course you can use the words lite, heavy, into, preference, loves and other words to describe what you like.
whackattack wrote:Aye, stating these things clearly IS a bit of a challenge, hence the point of the discussion, and why I am glad at least someone wanted to talk about it with me :).

As to the name calling part you are right, these things could be considered humiliating, and again your use of the word 'lite' seems useful here. For me though it is at least fair to say that I am more looking for the teasing and stimulation factor than the humiliation factor when it comes to name calling. Being called a bitch is kinky and exciting to me. Being called pathetic or otherwise deliberately being made to feel shame just makes me feel defensive. Thinking more about it, I guess maybe the difference here is that I like being sexually objectified, but not to feel devalued.
That's fine I was just pointing out it is possible you are subconsciously into humiliation because not all humiliation is calling someone a tiny dicked pathetic wanker. Another type of humiliation I forgot to talk about that you could possibly be into is changing how you look like wearing female clothes or dog collars, and writing things on your body with markers like [insert your wife's name here]'s property.
whackattack wrote:Yes, more lack of clarity on my part. Urine, feces, blood, and spit are the kinds of things that are off my list. Man cum/woman cum are fine for me as long as they are not disengaged from the sexual act. The idea of making a man or a woman cum in my mouth or on my face makes my excited! But cum in a cup and ask me to drink it, and the game is over.

The other factor there is that all the man play stuff is agreed by my wife and I to stay in the fantasy realm. As far as the appeal of the act goes we are both into it, and I must say, when your wife (or partner or lover or husband or whatever you have and love) slowly jerks you off until you are right on the edge, then whispers in your ear "So tell me which one of your friend's cocks would you like to suck.", well son, you have never known arousal heights anything the like. But as far as the complications and risks involved in finding someone we can trust to be discrete and disease free, to respect our boundaries, and especially doing so without putting friendships in danger and all that, well it just isn't something we want to deal with.
Yeah I figured cum was an exception that you just didn't mention. I can understand why you would only want cock sucking to be a fantasy, I however do want a gay/bi boyfriend that is also a switch and also kinky. Then would could take turns being master and slave, we could feel safe, and we could help make each others kinky dreams come true. I wouldn't suck off any random guy because it is dangerous, but if and when I have a boyfriend, I would beg him to let me taste his sticky man juice. I have practiced on my dildos a lot and can't wait for my hopefully future boyfriend to give me the real thing and end my cocksucker virginity. I have cum on a dildo and sucked it, but that's not quite the real deal. I fantasize about this maybe a little too much.
whackattack wrote:Yes I suppose I failed to mention ass play at all, which is a rather major oversight in such a discussion. And before I ever tried it, it was a hell of a hot fantasy to be fucked in the ass by a woman, be it with a strap on, her fingers, whatever. And in my more kinky and taboo kinds of moods the idea of being taken by a guy even seemed like a nice, nasty prospect. What I have discovered with help from my wife and before from the first gf I had who had a kinky streak,is that actual anal penetration seems to put my arousal in reverse gear. Play on and around the asshole is amazing, and the initial insertion of a finger or dildo can send one right through the roof, especially during edging. But any repeated movement in and out of my back door always deflates my erection and eventually fizzles my pleasure level.

Bummer too. I have read so many erotic stories and such describing how getting buggered took them to amazing places sexually, and always expected to become a butt slut in the long run. It just didn't work out for me. Se la vi.
I also am not into anal all that much. I am gay and feel I should be into anal so I don't disappoint any male lovers I might have. I am also into feminization and many feminized males treat there ass as a pussy that is meant to be fucked, so a have 2 big reasons that make me want to start really liking anal. So I practice anal here and there hoping I can start liking it, and it has worked a little. I feel as a gay sissy I should just keep going until it clicks and I become a real anal slut. Also it's possible that getting fucked by a soft fleshy cock that blows a hot sticky load in my ass could get me really into anal sex, but only time will tell. ;-)
whackattack wrote:
ashplosh wrote: ...feminization...
This is another place where I feel the term is a bit too general. If you run a web search on this one you mostly get men in women's clothes, often tied up, usually not getting any or much sexual attention, and being called names at that end of the spectrum I've already pointed out just ain't for me. (I again feel the need to put the no judgement disclaimer here.)

But in some more subtle ways, I really do like being feminized, at least in the sense that I like taking on some of the more traditionally feminine roles in our life. I work at home about 90% of the time and she has a rather highfaltuin office job. I love making her breakfast and lunch, laying out her things, doing the laundry, washing the dishes, asking how her day at work/her presentation/her discussion about her promotion went, I love whenever I get to defer a major decision to her judgement. That kind of service stuff just puts me in a place I love being in, and at least in a more macho-kinda-dude's eyes, and in my eyes for that matter, this stuff makes me feel feminine.
Yeah it is a general term but you said you wanted to explore, and it seemed like feminization could be something you would like, as long as you tweaked it a bit. I just tried to come up with feminization that could maybe suit your tastes.
whackattack wrote:
ashplosh wrote: orgasm denial/control is amazing
Um, yes! Until they cure cancer I will maintain that it is the greatest thing we as a species have yet to discover.

Again, thanks for chiming in ash. I really enjoy discussing and exploring this topic.
Your welcome, with how much you like orgasm control, let me ask do you use a chastity device or the honor system? Personally I think chastity devices are better.
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by whackattack »

[/quote]
Your welcome, with how much you like orgasm control, let me ask do you use a chastity device or the honor system? Personally I think chastity devices are better.[/quote]

We do both, depending on the circumstances. Great fun has been had with chastity devices, and yes, they make the denial game and it's eventual benefits more secure. But we have been disappointed in all the commercial ones we have tried. None of them have that perfect trifecta of being comfortable enough for long term use, wearable undetectable under normal clothing, and not making a mess out of bathroom trips.

For that reason, my wife concocted a homemade solution that uses elastic athletic bandages. She does this thing (which I could not duplicate if I tried, and I have.) where she wraps my cock and balls tightly together, but not tightly enough to hurt (actually feels better and better the longer you are denied.) and then clips the whole thing together on my lower back. With the wrap on, there is no way to masturbate, but the tip of my cock is exposed so I can urinate with no difficulty. And while I could easily remove the wrap myself, there is no way I can put it back on in the same way without help, so she would always know.
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by les »

               


               I suggest you take this test


               The submissive type Test

               
                                          Lord Les
                                 Be careful what you wish for!

Growing OLD Is Inevitable,
          But Growing UP... Is Optional
                    OR
                              Why do I have to stop being a KID now I can afford it.







                                
                                                                                                                                                   
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by CruelNatalie »

Les I didn't take the test. :) I also didn't read every single reply here. But I will give you my take of female domination & female led relationships. I don;t feel that labels and "types" could ever clearly define us. I also don't think that anyone is dominant or submissive all the time. I am a true alpha female. Sexually I am wired only within femdom acts, me being in control and kinky femdom sex acts. But I also love being adored and have a very soft feminine side to me. I find it powerful while others want to believe it to be submissive.

My main "thing" is control. I believe that most women like me feel this way. Sure I have activities I enjoy more than others but the essence of desire is really all about the dynamic. If its not present then you can be the best ass kisser in the world and it won't keep my attention.

In order to gain control and form the bond, that which is OUR dynamic I investigate the things that seduces him and brings him to his knees (subjugation, relinquish control, become submissive) So really he can be into almost anything, or not yet and as long as I enjoy the activity I'm going to do it better than anyone BECAUSE I want to own him mind, body and soul. I want to feel the depth of emotion he has only for me. No other woman could ever walk on this planet and enrapture as I will/do. This is why my personal relationships last for years. I have phone/online slaves I've had for years. Sometimes I might not hear from them a few months but they always come back.

So if one of my friends asked "What type of slave is he?" My reply would be "A devoted slave." It's all that really matters.

A lot of men call me and they just don't have the language or words to articulate their fantasies. They get an inexperienced phone mistress on the line and they tell them that they have on panties. She immediately assumes he's a sissy, into strap-on's or sucking cock. She starts to humiliate him with all the wrong words. He gets turned off, frustrated and stays completely in the closet. I see it all the time.

My point is that all relationships are different. What I do with Tom might be 5 times more hardcore then what I do with Harry, however the level of devotion are equal and I enjoy both of them. I might have a weekend where only Tom will do. We all have moods. Most of us are constantly evolving and changing.
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by les »

                     



                     CruelNatalie my post was directed at Whackattack, as I thought he was looking for a label for his own peace of mind.

                                          I do thank you for your thoughtful insight from the Domme side.
                                          
                     Just remember Chaps and Chapesses. What ever your kink you will never be the first.




                     
                                          Lord Les
                                 Be careful what you wish for!

Growing OLD Is Inevitable,
          But Growing UP... Is Optional
                    OR
                              Why do I have to stop being a KID now I can afford it.







                                
                                                                                                                                                   
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by CruelNatalie »

les wrote:                     



                     CruelNatalie my post was directed at Whackattack, as I thought he was looking for a label for his own peace of mind.

                                          I do thank you for your thoughtful insight from the Domme side.
                                          
                     Just remember Chaps and Chapesses. What ever your kink you will never be the first.




                     

I know. I was only kidding. lol
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by whackattack »

Les and CruelNatalie, thank you for chiming in. :)

Les, I did take the test, it was fun. I tested as 'Servant'. This actually does seem like a good descriptive word, as a slave has no say in the matter, but a good servant is devoted to serving their master well, but may still have limitations.

And CruelNatalie, I think you hit the nail on the head in a few ways there.

First on lables. Labels and types can never say enough to truly get to the heart of the matter. However, as they are insufficient to define our desires, they can still be quite useful to describe them. I was really not looking to define myself, my kinks, or my desires here, but more to be better at describing them to facilitate discussion about them. To me, sexuality is just like music: To say that a song is in the key of A does not limit the composer to notes in that key, nor should it, but the knowledge that the song was composed mostly in and around that key does make learning to play it much easier for the musician.

You also made a very good point about your main 'Thing' as contrasted against the particular details of the activities you and a sub might engage in. That really nails it, doesn't it? If a dominant and a submissive both get what they need from the relationship, the particulars don't matter as much.

Cool stuff you two, thanks for the thoughts.
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by les »

                     
                     

The most important thing is always


                  Keep it "SSC"                    Safe Sane and Consensual
                     
                     
                                          Lord Les
                                 Be careful what you wish for!

Growing OLD Is Inevitable,
          But Growing UP... Is Optional
                    OR
                              Why do I have to stop being a KID now I can afford it.







                                
                                                                                                                                                   
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CruelNatalie
Explorer At Heart
Explorer At Heart
Posts: 374
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2013 8:03 pm
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Sexual Orientation: Open to new ideas!
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Re: Specific kind of dominance?

Post by CruelNatalie »

My mom has a very good way of putting the whole kink thing...

It's all a big pot of soup (BDSM)
Each person bring their own recipe by combining various ingredients to suit their taste and needs but its all just really soup.

It's true with almost anything. I can say I'm into Femdom but each person will hear it different and form opinions. On another form someone stated that I'm more cruel because I have it in my name. But really my idea of cruel is teasing you to an unbearable suffering. Everyone has their own idea of what cruel means.
Visit my Blog for Teases, Assignments, Audios and Videos. Specializing in Cock Control, Orgasm Denial and Emasculation
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